[Guinness]

Minutes from tonights emergency council meeting..

Item 1...removal of park benches to reduce yob behaviour in parks..

Passed..Councillor Moss pointed out that less than 3 people would complain....Graham Jones MP, asked to speak by special mandate, evidenced this by producing a document from the house of commons which read..'95% of xxx people I've personally spoken to, thought that removing park benches in the town of xxx was justified. Councillor 'lurker' Dawson asked for an addendum that seats be removed from school buses and replaced with the old hanging strap system..'they have it too good these kids nowadays'....

Item 2... striking of council workers complaining of low pay despite council paying 'living wage' as opposed to the 'minimum wage' paid by many private employers.

Passed..Leader of the council Smiles Parkinson said..every public employee deserves to be treated as a special case....big deal if a plague of rats and insects befalls Hyndburn, or that people who can't afford time off work have to arrange expensive emergency childcare or risk losing their jobs, we can score a political point here, sod the nuggets who voted us in..let them eat cake (or they could eat from their dustbins and it's win/win for us)! Besides I'm not actually paying for this, the dupes on minimum wage scraping a living who voted me in are...oh wait I'm supposed to be a Labour candidate aren't I?

During question time, 80 year old Bertha Heckinthwaite rose from the public gallery to point out that Blackburn and Burnley were both investing heavily in town centre shopping and asked the council what did they think would happen if they created a bus station away from Accrington town centre that had fast links to these towns which had actual shops and benches.....All councillors adopted the traditional 'ostrich pose' in response.

The meeting ended with councillors giving their expenses forms to the purser and self congratulations all round.