[Guinness]

Wanted...

A job opportunity has arisen from 7th May 2015

Essential skills..

Able to bully other employees on the whim of the boss (must have used whip previously)
Able to post incorrect links, incorrect dates and nice photographs on twitter from everywhere on the planet except your own constituency at a rate of at least 5 to 1
Have a ghostwriter who forgets where your constituency is
Able to circumvent the minimum wage when paying the 'help'

Preferred skills..

Be prepared to attempt to argue that anyone who doesn't agree with you is an internet troll
Able to add 9% to 5% and claim the result is 95%

Job specification..

You will have an 'I know more than you so shut your gob' attitude
You will ignore the majority whilst using only your minority sycophants when attempting to prove a point
You will ignore the reason that you were employed to follow your own agenda
You will be able to fiddle gaily and stoke the fires whilst the Rome that your party forefathers built becomes an inferno
You will listen more to conservative employers than labour employees
You will have zero credibility with your grass root supporters

Wages....

Unnecessary due to hoodwinking the voters into believing in you before letting them down badly and receiving a healthy taxpayer funded pension.

PLEASE NOTE.. In order to be successful you will need to provide two references affirming your good character from the 17000+ nuggets that voted you in (good luck with that one)