[Div3North]

Accrington Stanley

V

Portsmouth FC

2014 Prediction League; Game 35 v Portsmouth (home)


Tuesday 17th March we’re away at Wycombe, who may – depending on how long his ban is (or whether the appeal that’s been lodged succeeds ) – be without striker Matt McClure; McClure came on on Tuesday night at Tranmere as a 67th minute sub, and was sent off, apparently for “leading with his arm in an aerial challenge” (aka a Kent Walton Forearm Smash) after 70 seconds ……..Pretty good, but not the record ; many of the candidates for “quickest dismissal” are goalkeepers (incl Tim Flowers playing for Blackburn in 1995 ) …….. the record for the fastest dismissal of a professional footballer in England is Keith Gillespie’s after 12 seconds (elbowing Stephen Hunt at Reading while jostling at a throw in, the ball having been in play for 5 seconds) …….. my favourite, though, and top of the list, is a guy called Lee Todd who was playing for Cross Park Farm Celtic in 2000; it seems that the ref – standing close to Todd - blew the whistle for the kick-off, which startled him; Todd apparently said, “F**k me, that was loud!” , and the ref sent him off for foul and abusive language …….timed at 2 seconds!

Pompey FC was formed in 1898, and have played on Chimer’s Back Lawn ever since. Their success in the Southern League saw them admitted to the Third Division in 1920, and their first season saw them finish a respectable 12th, with 39 points from 42 games. They won the (old) First Division title in 1949 and again in 1950, and the FA Cup in 1939 and 2008, with a side which included Glen Johnson, Jermaine Defoe, Peter Crouch, Sol Campbell and Calamity James ; that latter win put them into the UEFA Cup, where they reached the Group stages courtesy of a win and an extra-time draw against Vittoria Guimaraes; sadly, although they drew 2-2 with Internazionale and beat Heerenveen 3-0 , defeats by Braga (3-0) and Wolfsburg (3-2) ended the dream. What followed was worse; between 2010 and 2013 they got almost as many administration penalties as away wins ; 2010 saw them relegated to the Championship, 2012 saw them drop to League One (and the entire playing staff leaving the club, winger Liam Lawrence – now of the Shrews - being the last to go) and 2013 saw them slide down the greasy pole to League Two.

As is the current way, every man and his dog (that’s not Harry Redknapp’s dog with the Swiss Bank Account, by the way ) seems to have managed them; that said, between 1927 and 1970 they had only five managers, including Jack Tinn, who lasted 20 years before he did (jack it in …..Jack Tinn? Jack it i…..oh suit yourselves! ), a longevity now unheard of outside FergieTime and Arsenal Winger . Bob Jackson was the manager when they won the League; current manager is Andy Awful , who played there as a CB from 1989 to 2000, scoring 3 goals in 341, which is about as good a strike rate as most of our forwards . Between October 2000 and February 2001 “TV Pundit” Steve Claridge – Player of the Season there in 1999 and 2000 – was the manager; he won just 5 of 23 games (21.74%). That wasn’t the worst, though, since Guy Whittingam (21.57%), Richie Barker (20%), John Gregory (also 20%), Alain Perrin (remember him? 19.05%) and Tony Adams (18.18%) were less successful still, making Claridge the 6th-Worst Manager in their history . To be fair, he did score 37 goals in 124 appearances; according to the list, Calamity played 158 games for Pompey and didn’t score a goal at all …..I assume own goals, diving over/under/round the ball, and other fluffs and muffs don’t count, then ……..

They’re very definitely a Team of Two Halves, are Portsmouth; before Tuesday night’s game, their previous 7 games had resulted in 4 wins (Tranmere 3-2, 6-2 at Cambridge, and 1-0 against both Exeter (the goal in the 90th minute) and Hartlepool) and three draws (all goalless, against Oxford at home, and Wycombe and the Daggers away) ; seven games, 15 points, 11 scored and just 4 conceded (in fact five of those seven teams failed to score against them ), which took them from 18th at the end of January (29 from 26) to 12th at the end of February (44 from 33). Prior to that, their previous eight games had resulted in 3 draws and five defeats , not least of which was a 3-2 loss to us chez Chimer on 13th December. On Tuesday night, as you’ll have seen, they went down by the odd goal in one at Northampton, scored by Ricky Holmes, who played for Pompey until January 2015 – shades of Bobby Grant! – and they lost CB Ben Chorley to a red card to boot ; perhaps they’re a Team of Two and a Half Halves after all. Current standing is P34 W11 D11 L12 (Tuesday broke a perfect record of 11-11-11) GF39 GA38 for 13th place, level on points with Exeter, and one point above us.

For completeness, they beat Yeovil 3-1 away (shame we couldn’t! ) in the Football League Trophy before losing 2-1 at home to the Cobblers, beat the now Ferguson-less Peterborough 1-0 in the League Cup before losing 3-0 at Stoke, and – after snatching a Desmond from the jaws of defeat at home to Aldershot in the First Round of the FA Cup with an 80-something-th minute equaliser - they then embarrassingly lost the reply 1-0 ………

46 goals in 40 games; leading scorers are MF Jed Wallace with 14, striker Craig Westcarr with 7, fellow-striker Ryan Taylor (6), and Matt Tubbs with 4 (the winner against Hartlepool and a hat-trick at Cambridge ).

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 7th March …….. My abiding memory of Pompey was when I was about 10, and went to Maine Road to see Man City Reserves (don’t ask me why – it’s what 10-year old boys did then); after 60 minutes, the tin numbers on the rickety “Half Time Scores Board” around the edge of the pitch (the matches were shown by letter – Game A, Game B - hands up who remembers those? ) showed we were 2-0 down; when the man changed it on 75 minutes he left the 2, took down the 0, and replaced it with a 4, and from the noise you’d have thought we’d won the League ……Happy Days! Honours even on the head-to-head; 2-2 at ours (did you see Murph has been on the bench at Wycombe for their last three games, having made two x 89th minute sub appearances?) and 0-1 at theirs last season, and the Glorious 3-2 (thank you, Santa) in December down in DockyardLand. Could easily get something out of this , but equally we could easily get trashed …….Are we a Team of Lots of Halves?

Good luck to everyone ……..Keep the Faith! ………… and thanks for playing!