[Bazf]

This came in about Garys Brother and long time bed partner,



Missing: Phil NevilleThis is a message on behalf of the Manchester police. Phil Neville has been missing for over three weeks now and the police are worried he has tried to do something stupid, like shoot from 40 yards out.

Suspicions arose when seeing someone claiming to be Phil Neville in the Manchester United midfield. However, this person was a poor imitation for the real Phil Neville and has raised alarms by uncharacteristically out-playing Patrick Vieira in the midfield.



It is clear that this person is an impostor as he clearly failed to research all Phil’s traits. Phil couldn’t trap a bag of cement or pass wind, let alone be a suitable replacement for Dejemba Dejemba. So far the police haven’t got any leads although an alien abduction hasn’t been ruled out. Only a few sightings matching Phil’s physical description have been reported, but they have all turned out to be the back end of a horse. Sir Alex Ferguson made this plea, “If anyone anywhere, has any information on Phil’s whereabouts, however little, I beg you please, please keep it to your bloody self!”