[Margaret Pilkington]

Margaret, I agree that it isn't always something that parents want their children to be doing for them...and I reckon it is more difficult for sons..especially if there is an element of personal care(as there is with my mum).

My Mum does not want me doing all this stuff for her but recognises that she needs it to be done...and that with my background and the fact that I like doing it(it gives me the opportunity to spend time with my mum, to chat while I am working) and that she won't be around forever(something which makes me shudder to think about) she has come to the understanding that it is what has to be.

When Ma came out of hospital after her heart attack, I was given plenty of opportunities to get help for her. Lots of agencies(Age Concern, Help the Aged, British Heart Foundation, Diabetes UK) contacted me with offers of help, but I am fit healthy and can do what needs to be done.
I reckon that by me doing this, it leaves people free to go and help those who have no-one....and isn't that a good thing?

Margaret, I feel for you. It must be very difficult to have your care needs dealt with by people who you do not know. I think continuity of care is very important. I also think that carers should have some personal attachment to those that they care for.
If you are caring for someone you like then you do it in a much more personal way...and invariably this means better, with more compassion and feeling.
My mum has a friend who is in her nineties.....she lives in Eastbourne, has no family members close by and her carers are foreign, often cannot speak English and from what she tells my mum, they do a poor job...just the basic minimum...and she pays a private agency for her care £16 per hour. The carers don't get this amount, they are paid at the basic wage......so yes....pay peanuts get monkeys.(maybe monkeys would do a better job of it too)