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Oh, this guy was good,

There I was sat outside one of our more reputable pubs enjoying the sunshine between the clouds, (by reputable I mean they have a sign that brags about how many hours it's been since they last had to call the police, yes, for me quite posh), the bloke staggered into an 8 foot table and apologised to it, I being foolish glanced up from my phone, that was enough he thought he had me.

Sorry mate sorry, didn't mean to disturb you but,

Ah yes, there has to be a but.

Can you lend me a pound until Thursday?

I informed him that today is Thursday, ah well he said, at the same time as dragging some minor silver coins of the realm from his pocket, I need the pound to get back home to Blackburn.

Even with my pound I replied you won't have enough to get to Blackburn, oh well in that case can you lend me two pounds?

My reply was no, I lend you two pounds and I am unable to get my next pint, I'll keep my two pounds.

Oh yes he says I know where your coming from, but I see your a smoker, can I have a fag while I ask others for my bus fare?
No came my reply, he got annoyed you know what you are?

Yes I replied I'm a complete Twit (substitute a for the i) but I'm two pounds richer than you are.

He finally gave up and went looking elsewhere, it was a joy to watch others had been listening and gave him shorter shrift in far more colourful language than I did.