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Had a bit of a cold over the past couple of days, not been out until today, coughed my way down to the nearest pub, I really needed a beer and company. (O.K. I needed a beer company would be a plus).

Today is Thursday, Thursday down there is karaoke afternoon, I, in my desperation had forgotten, otherwise I would have got a bus into town.

So, first pint, so far so good, met a few folk, caught up with a few details, (who is dead, who is nearly dead and those of us that don't look as good as we should).

As pleasant as this conversation was it was killed immediately by a reasonable looking younger lady that announced she was the star of the show and would expect us all to perform in a similar manner to herself.

Volume went to max and she attacked a classic, 'Paper Roses', now, we have all heard this chugged out by a variety of performers,

She gave it her worst, it was like a recording of Marie Osmond that should be played at 45 being played at 33 and 1/3, such a masculine voice should not have come out of a feminine body. (It might be worthwhile if the older generation explain to those younger that I'm talking vinyl records here played at different speeds, I wouldn't want them to miss out).

However she was the best of the bunch, Three hours and several pints worth of this I was getting close to going home.

In fact I had determined that my next trip to the bar would be my last, a young man stood next to me pointed out that my hearing aids weren't in the correct place, i.e. removed from my ears and just hanging loose.

Yes, I replied, under normal circumstances they would be in the wrong place, however on a day like today they are in the correct place, it means I don't have to listen to this crap.

It was at this point he started to look insulted and he said how dare you? That's my missus singing!

Well I replied how would I know I can't hear it at the moment I'm just reading your lips and unless she's the one that organised this rubbish I haven't heard her.

Yes he replied she has organised it, and do you know? I wish I could remove hearing aids, I have to listen every time.