[Div3North]

Coventry City

V

Accrington Stanley

2018/19 Prediction League; Game 17 v Coventry (away)

The City of Coventry has two Cathedrals, and very moving and beautiful they both are ........................ last season they also had two players with the surname Kelly-Evans – Devon, a left-sided MF, and his twin brother Dion, a right back .................... on 30th June their contracts came to an end, and both were released – Devon joining Nuneaton Town, and Dion signing for Kettering Town. Up to 2008, Nuneaton Town had been Nuneaton Borough, but they were liquidated in 2008, reforming 2 days later as Nuneaton Town at the insistence of the FA (the name, not the re-forming)................ happily, on 16th June 2018 they were able to revert to their former name of Nuneaton Borough; 16th June was before Devon’s contract expired, and he changed clubs two weeks after that, and SO – whoever wrote the rubbish on Wikipedia – he DIDN’T sign for Nuneaton TOWN, he signed for Nuneaton Borough! Get your facts straight!

Did I ever mention that I’m a twin? People can’t tell us apart, so they say, which seems a bit odd to me because Agatha’s got a much bigger bust than I have ........... and red hair!

So; our thesis for this week’s symposium is; “Coventry City are the current form team of League One; only one of the top eight sides in the League (viz, Doncaster Rovers) has a poorer record than Accrington Stanley over the same period of time. Accordingly, Accrington are in for a right shellacking this Saturday.................. Discuss”

Looking at the table, Coventry are the form side, having won their last five games (at Charlton and Southend by 2-1, at Bradford 4-2, and home to Wycombe 1-0 and Donnie 2-1) for 15 points from a possible 15 ............. next best come the BlackMoggies (13/15), Luton 12, Posh 9, Barnsley 9, Pompey 8, Stanley 7 and Donnie 4; this week’s King-size Twerps are Bratfud, Scunthorpe and the Wombles, who’ve each lost their last five on the bounce (nul points partout); Middlin’ Twerps are Charlton and Brizzle (plus Donnie) with 4/15 ........... HOWEVER, for our proposition to be right by the Probability Theory (that’s the one that says that your keys are always in the last place you think of looking, next to the glasses that you haven’t been able to find for a month) we need to look back to the start of the campaign, and the weeks in between. THAT shows that, prior to their five-game winning streak, Coventry’s record was W3 D3 L5 for 12 points and 14th place (just above Rochdale) – the losses being 2-0 at Blackpool, 3-1 at Brizzle, 1-2 at home to the Iron, and 0-1at home to Rochdale and to Pompey ............. “Unbeaten in Five” is but a Snapshot in Time ...............

And if that’s not enough for you, they departed the EFL Cup with a whimper (0-2 at Oxford, who are currently Unbeaten in Five), and are bottom of their EFLTroffy Group, having lost 3—0 at home to the Under 7 Gooners, and then having beaten Vegan Greenpeace 4-2 on pens after a half-Desmond. After us, Coventry have Walsall (away) on 10th November in the ProperCup and Cheltenham (away) in the Troffy on 13th November, so by November 14th the could have nothing left worth playing for – a bit like Thing 1 and Thing 2 at NunsEating (Bananarama North – 21st of 22) and Kettering (Southern League Premier Central – top, with 25 points from 10 games)

Just had a quick trawl through the Sacked Managers List for the season; really quiet – only one bitten the dust in three weeks, that being Paul Hurst, sacked by Ipswich on 25th October, basically for trying to create a Championship side out of League One and Two players (most of them ours!) Without Having a Clue What He Was Doing ............... Shrewsbury’s John Askey (who took Hurst’s old job, leaving Macclesfield (who have already sacked the guy (Mark Yeates) who replaced him) in the process as well as the lurch) says that retaining his job – he thinks – depends on the Shrews stuffing the Wombles in their own Burrow; Hurst lasted 15 games, and Askey reckons that if Shrewsbury don’t win on Saturday, he “knows what to expect”; asked if he’d been given any final warning by the Club, he said,

“No, but I’m not stupid”

Actually, you are son – for ever taking the job! And who was the first to forecast the Demise at the Estadio Santiago Bernabeu? Tell you what, though – Julen Lopetegui (it’s Spanish for “Fall Guy”) – must be having a real bastard year; sacked by Spain and by Real Madrid in the same 12 months? Even David Moyes wasn’t that unlucky ......... or inept ...... hope the payoff money was good!

The Sky Blues, you’ll remember, ascended the Greasy Pole of Enlightenment in May, having seen off Notts County 5-2 over the two-legged semi, and Exeter 3-1 in the Final (we beat them twice without conceding a goal – 1-0 at ours (goal by Sean McManWithTheArmBand), and 2-0 at theirs (both goals from Jordan Charles Clark)) In the summer – as well as Castor and Pollox – they shipped out seven more; Peter Vincenti went to Macclesfield (why would you do that?); Kyel Reid went to TwistySpires United; LB Chris Stokes went to Bury, striker Marc McNulty to Reading, and three others went to Shrewsbury, Enfield – no, it wasn’t Lee, and the Wombles ................. Ignoring for these purposes Academy signings, their scouts creamed off the top talent from Dulwich Hamlet, Lewes, Tamworth and Mickleover Sports, plus CM Abu Agogo and LB Junior Brown from Shrewsbury (who’re getting more than their fair share of mentions this week), CF Johnson Clark-Harris from the Millers, LB Brandon Mason from Watford and Jordy Hiwula-Mayifuila (he’s a Manchester lad, actually!) from ‘Uddersfield

Current Manager is Harold Robbins (again!) – the bloke who was credited with keeping Fergie in a job all those years ago (no, Sir Alex, not Her); since 2001 they’ve had 15 “permanent” – a word which has a different meaning in LadyGodivaTown than almost anywhere else – managers, plus infinite caretakers, although the 15 does count Robbins twice; they include Gordon Strachen, Roland Neilsen, Gary McAllister, Peter Reid, Mickey Adams, Iain Dowie, Chris Coleman, Aidy Boothroyd, Tony Mowbray and Russell Slade, star of football’s version of “Round the World in 80 days and 47 jobs”; they got £13 million when they sold Robbie Keane to Inter in 2000; most League appearances was by Steve Ogrizovic (504); their first goal at the Ricoh was scored by Claus Bech Jorgenson (who?); they won the FA Cup in 1986/87 against Spurs (3-2); for their first 15 years it seems they were known as Singers FC (after the cycle firm; apparently a guy called William Stanley “was one of the leading lights in the club” – you couldn’t make it up, could you?) They joined the League in 1919 and haven’t been out of it since; they made it into Europe in 1970, playing Bayern in the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup (I didn’t know they had a Fair in Coventry – or any Moors in Solihull, come to that!); they triumphed 2-1 over them in the home leg, but unfortunately they’d already lost 6-1 in the away leg, so that was the end of that! They were, though, founder-members of the Premier League, and spent all together 34 seasons in the top flight.

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 3rd November ............ the one thing they have got at Coventry that we haven’t – Peeping Tom apart, of course - is a Club Anthem; written in 1962, it originally went .................to the tune of the Eton Boating Song ..................

Let's all sing together
Play up, Sky Blues
While we sing together
We will never lose
Proud, Posh or Cobblers
Oysters or anyone
They shan't defeat us
We'll fight 'til the game is won!
City! City! City!

“Proud" (PNE), “Posh” (the Brickies – Peterborough) and “Cobblers” (Northampton) you’d get; “Oysters” anyone? .................. Yes, it’s Colchester! And would you care to guess who co-wrote the Anthem? (no ordinary song, this!) .................. Yes, it was ................ Benny Hill! ........Oh sorry, no ............ JIMMY Hill ............. Close!

Good luck to everyone! ................... Keep the Faith! ............... Don’t be a Lidl, be a Waitrose! ................... And thanks for playing!