[DaveinGermany]

Not for me I hasten to add, but for one rather pompous "N.i.G" SSM (Squadron Sgt Major). Our unit were due out on exercise & all personell had to be within unit lines by 14:00 Sunday afternoon (I lived out at the time, noted but not official).

Being the good little Trooper I was, I RTU'ed Sunday 13:45 booked in then set about organising my sections Vehicles & crews, job done I spoke to the Sqn I/C so I could head off to my room & collect my kit & webbing for the Ex, which he okayed so off I ambled. In the meantime WO/SSM "Dinger" Bell, a Snake, decided to exert his military prowess upon the disorganized rabble in green to get squared away by calling a parade, fair enough, his prerogative as SSM. On looking out the window & seeing the smart & soldierlike squares forming up I thought I should really go & join in.

Shouldering pack, webbing & tin lid I waltzes round the corner of the block to see Dinger chewing cobs out of the troops, upon seeing me he promptly decides that I'm a frightful maggot & I should do him the honour of joining "His Parade", aber Dally dally Lad, not wishing to dissappoint. I dropped my kit & trotted over to the irate stick man & asked permission to join in. After him turning several rather interesting shades of red then on into a sort of purpley/puce colour, near on busting a gusset at my damned insubordination, questioning my parentage & general evolution, he then made the fatal & most flawed comment of any new promotee to the senior ranks .....
SSM D "Are you trying to make a Knut of me in front of MY Unit Son?"
Ickey "No Sir, your'e doing quite well by yourself .... Sir!"

The intake of breath from a whole parade of several hundred makes quite an interesting sound & the ocassional chortle & snigger thrown in was also quite novel! The following explosion of expletives was impressive I must say, ending with him screaming at me to go see "God" RSM over in his office & he wouldn't be far behind to condemn me & get me "slung in't Corner house for the rest of my miseable life!"

So off I doubled to go see "God", RSM Sid to his mates & outrageously necky young lance Jacks such as I ... Knock, knock, bang in tabs adopt smart soldier stance

Me "Hello Sir, Mr Bell sent me over & he'll be here shortly to talk at you about me Sir."
God "What've you done now Scouse?"
Me "Me Sir? Nothing ... but Mr Bell says I failed to attend his Parade & you need to deal with me"
God "What Parade?"
Me "The one he called cos your crowd can't get a grip Sir"

A weary shake of a resigned head, a snort that sounded very much like a stiffled chuckle. "Scouse, Go, get back to your section, I'll talk to Mr Bell"
a crash of a slammed door & the incandescent shouting "Think he's here Sir, can I go now?" A dismissive wave as I scuttle off, the shout of outrage, the calming tone of "God" telling a young WO/SSM to wind his neck in & that he "God" would personally see to my eternal damnation, brimstone & fire purgatory should I ever again make said young WO look like such a Knut in front of the assembled troops, ever again!


As it happens, Dinger left the unit on posting & promtion after a good few years he came back to 2ADFA as RSM , I was still there, we had a chat & a chuckle over the past & we got on well after that.