[Len]

Just a thought and I dont know if this will work but can I suggest that For those of you who had read the journals in the last couple of days, if you open your browse and work off-line. Do a search through your history and you might find some of the missing journals that you may have in your Cache. Like this one I found. You can then copy and repost, hopfully
But I think, you must do this off-line otherwise you may just end up refreshing your Cache when you click on the link in your History, like I did at one point and lost the original post.

Dead Dad.
l've mentioned my Mum quite a bit, but so as not to portray all of my lot as someone who loves their Mum a bit too much, l'll write about my Dad, as sleep still seems a long way off.
l was always jealous of my younger brothers unselfconcious ease at the way he interacted with Dad. They could wrestle and playfight, l just watched unable to join in, in case he thought l was soft. Daft, l know it doesn't make sense. After l 'came out' our relationship changed because we had to discuss things you don't normally have to talk about to with your parents. lt was my Brother who says he now felt left out. Because my Dad was only 22 years older than me, and me knowing l would never have children, l expected to have my parents around me 'til l was old.
Twelve years ago more or less to the day it all changed. Ma and Pa were visiting me in London. He had a bad back, nothing new there, being a baker. My garden fences had blown down in a gale and he helped me stake them back upright. Back in Ossy, Mum made him go to the Doctors and he was sent for tests. He'd smoked all his life, only managing to quit when he'd retired on his fiftieth birthday, after a grouchy eleven months he'd cracked it.
lt was the dreaded 'C' word. l went home every weekend for the next two weeks. The following Thursday, l was telephoned to tell me to go home immediately. My sister-in-law met me at Preston, which was mad because they didn't know what train l was getting.
When we got home Dad was upstairs in bed, and Mum had to tell me he was going to die. They were going to wait to tell me at the weekend face to face. He was on morphine, and looked out of the window, and kept saying how beautiful the Ossy moors looked. There was a terrible rattle that filled the house, but we all talked encouragingly about the future with him. l told him l'd go with them to their place in Pembrokeshire at Easter, and wouldn't pull my face whilst driving the boat while he water ski-ied.
lt was only as he drew his last breath, we faced what was happening.
We were lucky. Me, Mum, my Brother and Sister-in-law, got to tell him we loved him, and how he was a wonderful Dad and Husband. lt sounds crass but a tear fell from his eye and he was gone.
On a lighter note, he'd given me a list just in case anything happened, but he didn't think it would be used. He wanted a party after the funeral at The Stop and Rest. l read the eulogy at the funeral, it was a celebration of a good life. We all stood at the door as people left the Church, a bit like a wedding. lt gave us the chance to thank people who otherwise we may not have seen. The party was fun. l got drunk all of a sudden, and said l was going to Mums. At 3 am l woke to find myself alone. l ran up and down Fielding Lane thinking 'l'm supposed to look after my Mum and l've lost her, l can't even do this for Dad' 'The Stop' was in darkness. l steeled myself to phone Dad's best friend from childhood who lived just up the Lane. Two minutes later back trooped Mum, my Brother and Sister-in-law,[they'd left their keys at Mums.] Not too pleased at having been double locked out, with all the neighbours banging on the windows, up ladders and telephoning at the same time. All very relieved not to have to go to work the next day in funereal garb, especially impractical in a bakery, they eventually got to bed. What can l say? l'd had a stressful day and was tired.
I cried writing this. Now l'm smiling. He would have too.