[Mik Dickinson]

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the old fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year the young bride gave birth again.

The same nurse said, "You are truly amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year.

The nurse then said, "Well, well, well! You certainly are quite a man!"

He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black."

--------------------------------------------

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--------------------------------------------

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?", the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

------------------------------------------

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

------------------------------------------

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

----------------------------------------------

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But..... Thank God, I still have my driver's license!

----------------------------------------------

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're darned right it is!", Replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

----------------------------------------------

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdale's.

"Bloomingdale's?" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdale's?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

----------------------------------------------

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

----------------------------------------------

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

----------------------------------------------

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"