Some more suggestions (a couple of repeats, but some humorous ideas, too):
TECHNICAL DESCRIPTION: The project takes advantage of a quirk of modern technology. Many telemarketing calls begin with a brief period of silence, in which the telemarketer's automatic equipment tries to determine whether the call recipient is a likely target. You can easily learn to recognize this silence, and so be ready to implement a protocol the moment the human telemarketer is switched onto the line.
PROTOCOL: Say "hi."
DESCRIPTION: Whenever the telemarketer asks you to say anything, pause for several seconds, and then softly, plaintively, say just the word
"hi." Pronounce it as if it were written in lowercase and spoken by a wispy child.
PROTOCOL: Sing from a prepared score. The quality of the singing matters not. So far we have conducted test runs using the following:
<> The complete works of
Philip Glass
PROTOCOL: Say "No."
INVESTIGATOR: W.M. Clarke
DESCRIPTION: After the caller asks
"May I speak to Mr. or Mrs. Clarke?" I say
"No." Then I wait.
RESULTS: After numerous applications of this over six months I find no change in the average response time. About 1/3 of telemarketers repeat themselves. 1/3 hang up, and 1/3 pause for ten to fifteen seconds before saying, "Uh! Ah? Oh!" and then disconnecting.
PROTOCOL: "Wait a minute"
INVESTIGATOR: G. Dryfoos
DESCRIPTION: When I get a telemarketer, I say,
"Oh, good! I've been hoping you'd call. That's just what I need. How much... oh, wait, that's the door. Can you wait a minute, please?" Then I put down the phone and go about my business, using the "un-hung-up phone beeping" as a signal that they finally gave up.
RESULTS: The record so far is 15 minutes for a long-distance phone service. The median is about 4 minutes. This technique has the advantage of making all willing customers seem like possible "poisoned prey". With enough of us in the environment, it might have some effect on the predator population. One hopes.