[Sparkologist]

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium".

• Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
• These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
• Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
• A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
• Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but, instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
• In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
• This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
• This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".
• When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, resulting from having 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons!