Stop hiding behind the sofa and come and join the new children. That's better, so nice to see so many of you finally out of intensive care and the scars are healing so well!
Now for this project what we will need are your felt tip pens, glue, an A4 sheet of paper, an envelope and glitter, Mez please stop that horrific screaming I don't mean the Glitter that visits you at night, I mean the colourful sparkly stuff that comes in lovely colours.
Right now, first of all I want you to fold the sheet of paper in half and then in half again Have you all done that? Good! Lettie put those scissors down we don't need them just yet,
What you now need to do is draw a picture of a nice baby jesus on the front of your card. No Roy I don't want you to draw him in a 4X4 with a bale of hay in it, a nice little crib will do!
How are you all getting on? Lettie put those Scissors down you'll have someones eye out.
Doug,
Doug! come away from those sheep they are only here for the nativity.
Now if you will all take the top off your glue carefully, What do mean you haven't got any glue left Bagpuss? Because you put it where? Oh dear Gayles mummy will be surprised when she goes home with such dirty knees, no Bagpuss it won't help if you rub glitter into the skin. The rest of you stop giggling and pointing you know it only encourages him.
Doug,
Doug! come away from that ass, I don't know what your trying to do but if he moves away from those steps you'll fall down.
Back to the card yes they are all lovely now while the glue is setting, I want you all to write on the envelopes to
Uncle Less care of accyweb.
You done that, right well now go through to the other room were your mummies and daddies are sleeping off the
accyweb Christmas meet
Get as much of the paper money you can out of their purses and wallets and put it into the envelopes.
Well Done, now you can lick and seal the envelopes and give them to me.
Don't ask me what to do with the Christmas card Rindy you can throw it in the bin for all I care, I'm happy with these bulging envelopes, I'm off to invest the contents behind the bar at the stag.
Bye for now my little sweets see you next week for the new year celebrations, When we will discuss my famous lecture,
Myth or magic? is it true that some people can actually remember bringing the new year in?