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Which button do YOU press?
Switchboard Messages for the Mental Health Institute
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
1. If you are obsessive and compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
2. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
3. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6
4. If you are paranoid, we know who you are. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
5. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
6. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.
7. If you are a manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer
8. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, national insurance number and your mother's maiden name.
9. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
10. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
11. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. None of our operators are interested in talking to you.
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