[Chimer]

I feel a remake of a Hollywood classic coming on .....

Opening shot - aerial, zooming in on a northern town, then a football ground and finally on an individual standing at the back of a terrace in the pouring rain.

Pan round to show that Eric (for it is he) is counting 48 Ultras in pink shirts, with 96 flags and one illegal drum, outsinging 800 Hereford fans packing the Coppice end. The cowshed is empty, and the main stand nearly so.

As Eric turns away in despair, pan again to show him against a background of the town, damp grey slate roofs shining palely through the rain, chimneys smoking, milk bottles on the dorsteps, other northern cliches in abundance .... (OK I know you can't really pose the shot that way, give me some artistic licence)

And a ghostly whisper can be heard, becoming more insistent with repetition. as if the town itself is speaking ...

"If you build it they will come"

"If you build it they will come"

"If you build it they will come"

"If you build it they will come"

"Build what ?" Eric asks the rain clouds.... and as one the Ultras turn and cry

"The 'F' in Roof"

(Apologies to people who haven't seen Kevin Costner in "Field of Dreams")