[Busman747]

These are reputed to be REAL headlines from the press.



• Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

• Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

• Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

• Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

• Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

• Farmer Bill Dies In House

• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

• Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?

• Stud Tires Out

• Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

• Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over

• Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again

• British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands

• Officers Taken Off Duty After Death

• Eye Drops Off Shelf

• Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

• Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

• Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

• Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

• Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

• Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

• Miners Refuse to Work After Death

• Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant

• Stolen Painting Found By Tree

• Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

• Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter

• Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years

• Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

• Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84

• War Dims Hope For Peace

• If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

• Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures

• Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

• Deer Kill 17,000

• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

• Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

• New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group

• Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

• Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy

• Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire

• British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply

• Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

• Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

• Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half

• New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

• Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

• Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing

• Air Head Fired

• Steals Clock, Faces Time

• Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

• Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni

• Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board

• Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

• Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction

• Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training


• Include Your Children When Baking Cookies