[jambutty]

Earlier this morning as I walked down the garden path to my car, which incidentally had an engine compartment that was registering –6 C, I heard a whimpering that seemed to be coming from last years decaying plant leaves along side the path.

Thinking that some animal had crept in to hide because it was injured, I carefully eased aside the rotting leaves and saw, to my amazement, three brass monkeys. Instead of covering their eyes, ears and mouth their hands were elsewhere. Instantly recognising their predicament, as gently as I could, I picked them up and their disconnected accoutrements and headed back indoors.

By now I was frozen to the marrow so a quick five minutes in the fridge warmed me enough to tackle the problem in hand.

I don’t have a welding kit and even if I had I wouldn’t know what to do with it apart from possibly setting my flat on fire. But I am red hot with a soldering iron.

The table was cleared and in the glare of the overhead light I surveyed my task. Now brass monkeys are hardy creatures so they wouldn’t need an anaesthetic, which was a help, as there was only me to administer to their needs.

The first task was to clean the separated parts with some ‘crocus’ paper. I figured that even the finest ‘emery’ paper would be too rough. With a shaking hand I set about the delicate task and the brass monkeys just sat there watching me. Well two of them did because they had all resumed their natural positions.

Clean and bright I was now ready to perform the delicate part or rejoining the monkeys with their separated parts. The soldering iron was nice and hot as a wipe on a damp sponge confirmed and I reached for a tin of flux. That’s with an el and an ex not a ck and without an el. But the job was too small so I reached for a reel of resin-cored solder instead.

You could almost feel the tension in the room, except that it was empty apart from the unfortunate creatures and me. With a hand that shook more than I was happy with the bits and pieces were tinned to my satisfaction. Now came the tricky bit. Holding two parts together whilst applying sufficient heat with the soldering iron so that the tinning on both parts would melt and intermingle and then keeping everything stock still so that the solder cooled and solidified.

By now sweat was pouring down my face with the fervent concentration and heat from the iron but somehow I managed to bring a smile to the monkey’s faces as the task in hand was completed.

The three brass monkeys were restored and will sit in a dark cupboard until the spring when I will send them merrily on their way.