[Less]

Dear Auntie accyweb,
I have a problem, I have been a single man for over five years now and although I have known this lady for quite some time, nothing actually happened between us for a while. Then, much to the surprise and relief of both her and my friends we started going to the pub together. Last week she offered to come around to my house and cook me a meal, not only did she cook but every course was taken away and replaced by something even more exquisite, I was in heaven. After the meal and spending an hour and a half in my kitchen washing up and tidying, she came to join me in the lounge, now I don’t know if it was the wine or perhaps the music, but she suddenly gripped my tie and threw it into a corner and then unbuttoned the top of my shirt.

As she was stroking my two chest hairs she looked up coyly at me and in a soft purring voice asked, “is there anything else I can do for you?”. Well I’m a man and I’ve got a mans feelings and a mans needs so I immediately said, “yes, this carpet could do with a good Hoovering it hasn’t been touched for some time, you’ll find the stuff under the stairs, try not to make too much noise though because I’m going to bed”.


This my dear Auntie Accyweb, is where I need your advice, she must have let herself out during the night and every time I ring her she refuses to answer the ‘phone which is a bit disappointing because I spent Sunday morning sorting out all my shirts that need buttons sowing on and it would be a shame to put them away if I can get her to come over with a needle and cotton,

Yours truly,

Less, (The new Man).