Mmmm,
My ideal pub would have free Strongbow served to you at your table, by a good looking barman wearing nothing but a strategically placed bar towel. The toilets would always be clean, have toilet seats on them and loo paper. There would be free snacks (crisps, nuts etc.) on the bar, and everybody would wash their hands before touching them, so that scientists could not find traces of urine on them like they do.