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Tealeaf · 04-03-2004, 16:45

The following is the text of a letter I have just sent to HRH the Duke of York:

His Royal Highness,
The Prince Andrew, Duke of York
C/O Buckingham Palace
London
SW1

4th March 2004

Dear Your Royal Highness,

Re: Your Upcoming Visit to Accrington

It is with great interpretation that almost the entire town of Accrington – or Accy as it’s known round here, as well as Ozzy (a town where they’re known to be a bit daft) and Church & a few other places – are awaiting your arrival with baited breath. I say almost, because as one knows, in this day and age, one cannot avoid those of a republican tendency. Like those men of a different persuasion who are constantly lurking around the new toilets in Accy town centre, these buggars pop up everywhere.

However, back to the point; you’re coming to Accy, and on the basis that you ain’t been here before, you probably want to know what it’s like; well, it’s not quite what it was a year ago, because they’ve knocked about half of it down – but nevermind, you don’t know that. I do know that you pay a few of these visits, so you may be wandering whats in store for you when you get here. Well, not much – the council is skint so you might be lucky to get a handshake from the mayor & a chip butty, of which we know you are overtly fond of. Things are’nt that bad though – last month the council lost £1.8m ( a sum even your mum would not sneeze at) but the good news is that this week they managed to find £300,000 of it, so you never know, you might get a bouquet of flowers (as long as its not over 10quid because a lot of people might object to paying more). There will be no red carpet mind – apparently it’s being used to wrap up the Arndale Clock, but that’s another story.

Anyway, can I suggest that you sign on the Accringtonweb? It will tell you all about us. Don’t mess around on it though – if you fancy doing a bit of that then stick to the games section, otherwise you’ll be in trouble. I’m quite sure that after a few visits on there you’ll be tempted to extend your stay for a few days, so if you do, possibly the best place is the Dunkenhalgh. It’s a bit pricey, but you being who you are I’m sure you can negotiate a good discount. If you then fancy a few jars at night then grab a cab to the Stag at Church; they do a good pint of real ale there at a competitive price. If you can remember, bring your arrows – they’ve a hell of a darts team.

Anyway, that’s it for now. Drop me a reply if you can, but if not, I’ll be at the front of the queue to meet you.

See you then,

Your Loyal Subject,

Tealeaf.

PS – I know one of your hobbies is taking piccys - we’ve got some cracking photographers on the Accringtonweb. site Why don’t you take a few piccy’s of your visit & post ‘em on the site…we’d all love to see em.

04-03-2004, 16:45	#27
Tealeaf God Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Paradise Lost Posts: 7,220 Liked: 11 times Rep Power: 4266	The following is the text of a letter I have just sent to HRH the Duke of York: His Royal Highness, The Prince Andrew, Duke of York C/O Buckingham Palace London SW1 4th March 2004 Dear Your Royal Highness, Re: Your Upcoming Visit to Accrington It is with great interpretation that almost the entire town of Accrington – or Accy as it’s known round here, as well as Ozzy (a town where they’re known to be a bit daft) and Church & a few other places – are awaiting your arrival with baited breath. I say almost, because as one knows, in this day and age, one cannot avoid those of a republican tendency. Like those men of a different persuasion who are constantly lurking around the new toilets in Accy town centre, these buggars pop up everywhere. However, back to the point; you’re coming to Accy, and on the basis that you ain’t been here before, you probably want to know what it’s like; well, it’s not quite what it was a year ago, because they’ve knocked about half of it down – but nevermind, you don’t know that. I do know that you pay a few of these visits, so you may be wandering whats in store for you when you get here. Well, not much – the council is skint so you might be lucky to get a handshake from the mayor & a chip butty, of which we know you are overtly fond of. Things are’nt that bad though – last month the council lost £1.8m ( a sum even your mum would not sneeze at) but the good news is that this week they managed to find £300,000 of it, so you never know, you might get a bouquet of flowers (as long as its not over 10quid because a lot of people might object to paying more). There will be no red carpet mind – apparently it’s being used to wrap up the Arndale Clock, but that’s another story. Anyway, can I suggest that you sign on the Accringtonweb? It will tell you all about us. Don’t mess around on it though – if you fancy doing a bit of that then stick to the games section, otherwise you’ll be in trouble. I’m quite sure that after a few visits on there you’ll be tempted to extend your stay for a few days, so if you do, possibly the best place is the Dunkenhalgh. It’s a bit pricey, but you being who you are I’m sure you can negotiate a good discount. If you then fancy a few jars at night then grab a cab to the Stag at Church; they do a good pint of real ale there at a competitive price. If you can remember, bring your arrows – they’ve a hell of a darts team. Anyway, that’s it for now. Drop me a reply if you can, but if not, I’ll be at the front of the queue to meet you. See you then, Your Loyal Subject, Tealeaf. PS – I know one of your hobbies is taking piccys - we’ve got some cracking photographers on the Accringtonweb. site Why don’t you take a few piccy’s of your visit & post ‘em on the site…we’d all love to see em.