ianto - exactly
i mean i know i do have some of those values that my dad had but its like mine was an arranged marriage - i'd seen her but never met her. but i know by the time my daughters come around to that age of marriage it'll be so much more easier for them to have the marriage of thier choice as the old guard will have gone and people's attitudes will be very different. yeah there still will be some of the old vibes and feelings. you cant make it go away in 5-10 yrs
i remember the time when some asian girl did a runner with her bf - it was the first time it'd happened in the local few streets so everyone knew about it. her parents didnt come out unless they really had to. fathers would go into major depression for this kinda stuff.
the one thing that can really disturb the balance is like in the riaz case - when the husband is from "back home". a freshie. cause each time they're bringing back that old mentality. some change to update their thoughts to the western world but some dont. loads of us mates used to go to one mates house adn their family was like ours no one wud bat an eyelid or question why we were there. we just were. then one of his sisters got married to someone from pakistan and when he came over and saw all this he was shocked by having unrelated males mingling in the household. so he asked his brother in law not to bring his mates around as it wasnt right. however eventually he began to come around the thinking and saw this is what happens we chill out we mingle and its like a big family so he came to us one day when we were together and apologised and said he'd been seeing things differently. so we moved back to vegetating in his house.
attitudes can change but its gonna b a long time till they're the norm.