Re: so my mum died this afternoon...
If you don't want to go - don't - you might even get pressured to pay part of the funeral costs which would be the ultimate insult.
She sounds like the mother from hell - where she deserve to be (if you believe in hell).
I would not care what relatives might say - they ought to have rescued you from torment when you needed them - so their opinions don't matter, because they let you down too.
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