[expat]

When leaving your house empty,nip across into your neighbours garden and prize open one of their windows. This will make their house a far more attractive proposition to burglars than your own.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling your bath with cold water adding two bottles of bleach,then urinating into it before jumping in.

If you have a squeaking door,leave your house and walk fifty yards down the street.from this distance it is unlikely you will be able to here it.

Stay tuned for more handy tips
Steve