[lettie]

The US Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a
bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two
points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would
be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his
head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with
a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out
with $96,000.

The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like
to be measured replied "from the tip of my penis to my testicles."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider;
explaining about the nice cheques the previous two officers had received.
But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him,
providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop 'em", which
he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the
Captain's penis and began to work back.

"My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, Where are your testicles?"

The Captain calmly replied "Vietnam."