Some of my most frequently asked questions re. pregnancy....
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..