[Tealeaf]

Can someone please let me know the name of a good Solicitor back in Accy? I need initial advice on launching a civil prosecution against those criminals and nincoompoops in the Globe Centre. Normally, I am certain that charges would be laid under criminal law, but as nothing is what it seems in "Alice in Wonderland Accy" we must seek the alternative. The Criminal Charges would be as follows:

1) Theft - namely, that of a Victorian Mill Steam Engine, bequethed to and the property of, the people of Church.

2) Wanton Vandalism - namely, the destruction of the said Engine (see exhibit 'a', currently stuck in concrete outside the Globe Centre.

3) Fraud - namely, the theft of almost thirty thousand quid from the ratepayers of Hyndburn, on the basis that this is what it "cost" to inflict this criminal damage (above).....the actual cost is obviously no more than twenty quid.

4) Embezzlement....see above. Where did the dosh really go?

5) High Treason....no evidence yet, but I've no doubt some will emerge.

All suggestions gratefully received.