[Doug]

Nadine my father died six years ago and I only found out about in five or six weeks back. Yesterday I sat on the end of grave and spoke to my dad for the fifth time in 22 years. All five conversations have been at that grave side.

I tell a lie I have spoken to him at home asking for signs that I’m doing the right thing in my life. I know I will never get an answer but it hasn’t changed me. I’m still a pillock.

I would like to think that since his passing that he has not witnessed the wrongs that I have committed (I’m not Religious) and there’s been some. I’m not proud of what I’ve done with some elements of my life and certainly some things I will never do again.

But within a month I am doing the things that my father did in his life, I am not trying to emulating my father these things have just happened and for once, I feel I have something to look forward too.

I know he’s there, and I know that he hears me me, my beliefs tell me that Nadine and that’s all that matters. I hope that before I meet him again, I can make a man that I never really knew proud of me, not for done for myself, but for what I could and hopefully have done for others.