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Sparkologist · 27-07-2004, 18:32

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Sh*t List

Taoism: Sh*t happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Sh*t happens."
Buddhism: If sh*t happens, it isn't really sh*t.
Zen Buddhism: Sh*t is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of sh*t happening?
Hinduism: This sh*t has happened before.
Islam: If sh*t happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If sh*t happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If sh*t happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If sh*t happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let sh*t happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This sh*t was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if sh*t happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as good as sh*t that happens to another.
Unitarian: Sh*t that happens to one person is just as bad as sh*t that happens to another.
Lutheran: If sh*t happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If sh*t happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If sh*t happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Sh*t must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this sh*t always happen to us?
Calvinism: Sh*t happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No sh*t shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all sh*t.
Secular Humanism: Sh*t evolves.
Christian Science: When sh*t happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Sh*t happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this sh*t.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this sh*t.
Utopianism: This sh*t does not stink.
Darwinism: This sh*t was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY sh*t.
Communism: It's everybody's sh*t.
Feminism: Men are sh*t.
Chauvinism: We may be sh*t, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this sh*t.
Impressionism: From a distance, sh*t looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this sh*t.
Existentialism: Sh*t doesn't happen; SH*T IS.
Existentialism #2: What is sh*t, anyway?
Stoicism: This sh*t is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good sh*t happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this sh*t.
Mormonism #2: This sh*t is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let sh*t happen.
Scientology: If sh*t happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Sh*t happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our sh*t?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Sh*t has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy sh*t happens.
Hare Krishna: Sh*t happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this sh*t!
Zoroastrianism: Sh*t happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB Sh*ts.
Practical: Deal with sh*t one day at a time.
Agnostic: Sh*t might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone sh*t?
Agnostic #3: What is this sh*t?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What sh*t?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this sh*t!
Nihilism: No sh*t.
And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Sh*t happens-one day at a time!

27-07-2004, 18:32	#1
Sparkologist I am Band Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Overlooking 22 yards Posts: 1,321 Liked: 3 times Rep Power: 57	*Sht Happens. Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Sht List* Taoism: Sht happens. Confucianism:* Confucius say, "Sht happens." Buddhism:* If sht happens, it isn't really sht. Zen Buddhism: Sht is, and is not. Zen Buddhism #2:* What is the sound of sht happening? Hinduism:* This sht has happened before. Islam:* If sht happens, it is the will of Allah. Islam #2:* If sht happens, kill the person responsible. Islam #3:* If sht happens, blame Israel. Catholicism:* If sht happens, you deserve it. Protestantism:* Let sht happen to someone else. Presbyterian:* This sht was bound to happen. Episcopalian:* It's not so bad if sht happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. Methodist:* It's not so bad if sht happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. Congregationalist:* Sht that happens to one person is just as good as sht that happens to another. Unitarian: Sht that happens to one person is just as bad as sht that happens to another. Lutheran: If sht happens, don't talk about it. Fundamentalism:* If sht happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) Fundamentalism #2:* If sht happens to a televangelist, it's okay. Fundamentalism #3:* Sht must be born again. Judaism:* Why does this sht always happen to us? Calvinism:* Sht happens because you don't work. Seventh Day Adventism:* No sht shall happen on Saturday. Creationism:* God made all sht. Secular Humanism:* Sht evolves. Christian Science:* When sht happens, don't call a doctor - pray! Christian Science #2:* Sht happening is all in your mind. Unitarianism:* Come let us reason together about this sht. Quakers:* Let us not fight over this sht. Utopianism:* This sht does not stink. Darwinism:* This sht was once food. Capitalism:* That's MY sht. Communism:* It's everybody's sht. Feminism:* Men are sht. Chauvinism:* We may be sht, but you can't live without us... Commercialism:* Let's package this sht. Impressionism:* From a distance, sht looks like a garden. Idolism:* Let's bronze this sht. Existentialism:* Sht doesn't happen; SHT IS. Existentialism #2: What is sht, anyway? Stoicism:* This sht is good for me. Hedonism:* There is nothing like a good sht happening! Mormonism:* God sent us this sht. Mormonism #2:* This sht is going to happen again. Wiccan:* An it harm none, let sht happen. Scientology:* If sht happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. Jehovah's Witnesses:* >Knock< >Knock< Sht happens. Jehovah's Witnesses #2:* May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our sht? Jehovah's Witnesses #3:* Sht has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening. Moonies:* Only really happy sht happens. Hare Krishna:* Sht happens, rama rama. Rastafarianism:* Let's smoke this sht! Zoroastrianism:* Sht happens half on the time. Church of SubGenius:* BoB Shts. Practical:* Deal with sht one day at a time. Agnostic:* Sht might have happened; then again, maybe not. Agnostic #2:* Did someone sht? Agnostic #3:* What is this sht? Satanism:* SNEPPAH TIHS. Atheism: What sht? Atheism #2:* I can't believe this sht! Nihilism:* No sht. And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Sht happens-one day at a time! __________________ Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits! Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!