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Darby · 22-09-2004, 14:07

Just came accross this one from a Mr. Barry Beezelbud (pen name I assume):

Its reall funny (or so I think!)

THE DEVILS ADVOCATE (with apologies)

MUCH CONSTERNATION at Beezelbub Mansions. Those jobsworths on the local council have suddenly issued us with a green wheelie bin and simultaneously informed us that, in future, our black bin will only be emptied once a fortnight. They've got to be joking, right?

The first problem is finding space for the two big bins along with an existing recycling box. It's not an issue for me, of course. We can soon convert one of the empty kennels into a bin store, but how are poor people who live in terraced houses or flats supposed to manage? Have a spare teenager press-ganged into the navy? Sell a superfluous baby?

And then there's the rate at which we produce household waste. Our bin was emptied on Friday morning.

It's now Tuesday evening and it's already almost full. I wouldn't mind but we were away for the weekend.

We already do our bit for recycling. Every bottle, of which there are many, is recycled. Every newspaper, of which there are also many, is also recycled.

The council won't let us put organic waste like vegetable peelings into the green bin and they seem unable to recycle plastic bottles, so what is a man to do?

I'd have Whittaker (the man servant) wash out the things (amazingly a bargain £5 at Tesco) but they won't collect them. (With redundancy imminent, he's already collecting all the little bits of soap left in the 14 bathrooms, melting them down and making new bars out of them that he then sells at the farmers' market on Wednesday mornings. ) I'd bring home less packaging, but the girls in Waitrose get snotty if you tear the cellophane off the avocados before taking them to the till. The Oxfam lady already collects our old jumpers and sends them off to hungry kids in Equatorial Africa.

(Quite why, I don't know. The last thing you want in a drought-ridden desert is a Fair Isle sleeveless cardigan.) One thing they will allow in the green bin is "unwaxed cardboard".

What on earth is unwaxed cardboard? Mrs Beelzebub and myself spent fully 40 minutes the other night discussing the waxalicious attributes of an empty cereal box. I thought it was unwaxed; she begged to differ. In the end we threw it on a bonfire with all the other cardboard in the bin.

You could see the thick black smoke for miles.

I know where this will end. By Saturday morning I'll be loading up the excess black bags into the boot of the five-litre Range Rover and driving them the seven miles to the council tip - at a climate-threatening 17 miles to the gallon, and while pumping out enough carbon monoxide to bring on asthma attacks in several small children.

Just don't blame me when Norwich disappears under the sea and Hurricane Angus devastates Glasgow.

SO YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES WITH A PROBLEM!!!

22-09-2004, 14:07	#41
Darby Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Albions End Posts: 691 Liked: 2 times Rep Power: 44	Re: Rubbish ! Just came accross this one from a Mr. Barry Beezelbud (pen name I assume): Its reall funny (or so I think!) THE DEVILS ADVOCATE (with apologies) MUCH CONSTERNATION at Beezelbub Mansions. Those jobsworths on the local council have suddenly issued us with a green wheelie bin and simultaneously informed us that, in future, our black bin will only be emptied once a fortnight. They've got to be joking, right? The first problem is finding space for the two big bins along with an existing recycling box. It's not an issue for me, of course. We can soon convert one of the empty kennels into a bin store, but how are poor people who live in terraced houses or flats supposed to manage? Have a spare teenager press-ganged into the navy? Sell a superfluous baby? And then there's the rate at which we produce household waste. Our bin was emptied on Friday morning. It's now Tuesday evening and it's already almost full. I wouldn't mind but we were away for the weekend. We already do our bit for recycling. Every bottle, of which there are many, is recycled. Every newspaper, of which there are also many, is also recycled. The council won't let us put organic waste like vegetable peelings into the green bin and they seem unable to recycle plastic bottles, so what is a man to do? I'd have Whittaker (the man servant) wash out the things (amazingly a bargain £5 at Tesco) but they won't collect them. (With redundancy imminent, he's already collecting all the little bits of soap left in the 14 bathrooms, melting them down and making new bars out of them that he then sells at the farmers' market on Wednesday mornings. ) I'd bring home less packaging, but the girls in Waitrose get snotty if you tear the cellophane off the avocados before taking them to the till. The Oxfam lady already collects our old jumpers and sends them off to hungry kids in Equatorial Africa. (Quite why, I don't know. The last thing you want in a drought-ridden desert is a Fair Isle sleeveless cardigan.) One thing they will allow in the green bin is "unwaxed cardboard". What on earth is unwaxed cardboard? Mrs Beelzebub and myself spent fully 40 minutes the other night discussing the waxalicious attributes of an empty cereal box. I thought it was unwaxed; she begged to differ. In the end we threw it on a bonfire with all the other cardboard in the bin. You could see the thick black smoke for miles. I know where this will end. By Saturday morning I'll be loading up the excess black bags into the boot of the five-litre Range Rover and driving them the seven miles to the council tip - at a climate-threatening 17 miles to the gallon, and while pumping out enough carbon monoxide to bring on asthma attacks in several small children. Just don't blame me when Norwich disappears under the sea and Hurricane Angus devastates Glasgow. SO YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES WITH A PROBLEM!!!