[ukcowboy]

Just incase you find yourself stranded in Essex:-


How to speak Essex!




This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex .

A task not for the faint-hearted

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item



amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend")



assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc



awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more
likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day")



branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?")



cort a panda - A rather large hamburger



Dan in the maff - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff")



eye-eels - Women's shoes



Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre



garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper")



Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island



lafarjik - Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik")



OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs



paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport



reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig")



Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday



tan - The city of London , the big smoke



webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ("Webbatsis me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour")



wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police



zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")