[Tealeaf]

I remember - three or four years ago - Accy Stanley were drawn against Watford FC, in I think, the Carling Cup. Accompanied by a lesbian ex-nun and a gay ex-footy referee who had once sent Mr Coleman out of the dug-out and into the stands, we left the metropolis for the big game.

Arriving at Watford, we proceeded to the ground and on the way noticed a Wetherspoons establishment which appeared to be occupied by a substancial number of ASFC supporters, so in need of some serious liquid refreshment, we entered the aforesaid premises.

There was a rack of six real ale pumps on the bar; I asked the serving wench for a pint of the one on the left (Fuller's london Pride, I recall):

'Not on', she replied

'OK', says I, 'A pint of Marstons Pedigree'

'Thats not on either'

'Adnams Broadside'

'Nope'

'Brains's SA?'

'No!'

'Youngs'

'Still settling'

'Bombardier'

'No'

'So', I said, 'Any real ales on tonight'

'No', she replied, 'they're all off'.

'OK then...gimme three bottles of Becks.'

I should add that Watford is the home of the corporate HQ of Wetherspoons PLC. The 'bar' - and that is a compliment - was an absolute disgrace. I have no intention of ever again visiting one of their outlets which as far as I am concerned are aimed at the sort of people who shop at ASDA - people who know not what they are buying but who are quite happy to join the crowd and pay silly money for tat.