[Acrylic-bob]

The Zen of Crime Fighting.



Few people know this but Doug spent decades studying Zen attitudes to civic responsibility in a legendary secret Shaolin Temple located somewhere deep in the barren, bleak wastes of Green Haworth. Long years of hardship and study, with only the occaisional sheep and his pet ferret for company, equipped Doug to deal with the monstrous tide of evil that currently engulfs the borough.

At the heart of the Zen philosophy of crime fighting is the maxim which Doug learned at the feet of the grand master of the temple, the mysterious and revered figure known only as ‘Eric, the Sheep Botherer'. Which is, in essence, ‘You are but a rock in the river, grasshopper. The tide of life moves past and around you, and you may observe it, but it need not move you’.

Doug assimilated this doctrine of non-interference and used it to develop his revolutionary and highly profitable crime fighting techniques. Doug is firmly of the conviction that, if you do absolutely nothing at all, and keep doing it for long enough, the criminal will eventually get bored and go away. Thus the problem is solved in a completely non-violent, non-confrontational and profoundly politically correct way. Everybody is happy and there are calls for choruses of ‘For he’s a jolly good fellow!’ and extra allowances all round.