From our war correspondent embedded with the Liberating/Invading* American Ground Forces, Somewhere on the Church & Accrington border:-
I'm reporting to you now of the first hostilities that took place in Accrington Town Centre when, At precisely 2.00 a.m. (Hyndburn Time) Precision American bombing took out 433 Of the towns 445 Everything for 99p Shops.
A spokesman for the U.S. Forces was heard to say this is a proud moment for our men we have reduced the Supply of these cheap and inferior Products which we know they planned to swamp our forces with once we have
Relieved/Conquered* the citizens of wherever we happen to be this year.
He also added that although it was regretable one of the charity shop window displays was slightly damaged when the handle fell off a boxed Star Trek mug because of the vibration.
Although the Americans had also targetted the new flagship of Hyndburn by attacking their Communication Bunker Hyndburnlife website, their Chief Hacker Mr. B. Gates had to report that due to the fact he had been unable to log on he had not been able to bring this abomination to a halt.
The Sirens are going so I'm going to have to stop reporting to you now as the wind has changed direction and we will have to put on our gas masks to protect ourselves from the smell of the old bone yard (memories eh? The aroma comes straight back at you just with the thought of it!)
For now though, I will have to return you to the studio.
* Delete as applicable.
