I'm thinking of applying for a job as Cameron's speech writer. As part of my application, I will submit the following sample of my work:
"Fellow Britons, thank you for allowing me into your homes. In the recent past we embarked on a journey with our European friends and allies. In our march from the dark valleys of war and destruction to the sunny uplands of peace and prosperity, we have united with them in creating a New Europe, one of co-operation in both the economic and political spheres.
Dark clouds are again gathering in the skies over Europe. These are not clouds of militarism and war, but of economic distress and uncertainty. Her Majesty's Government, supported by Her Loyal opposition, employing the mandate given to them by you, the voters, have worked tirelessly to promote the best interests of Great Britain. The time may soon be upon us when we have to act decisively to protect those interests. In co-operation with my colleague, Mr. Clegg, and with Mr. Milliband, I have instructed the Ministers of the Crown in charge of the relevant portfolios to work towards forming a commitee to consider how we should respond to the present crisis.
However, this is not the time for rash and precipitous action. But at some time in the future, probably after you have spoken in the next General Election, you, the great British public, may be asked to vote on our membership in the European Union. I know that some of you, perhaps as many as 5%, favour swift, decisive action based on a simple, and in the opinion of your representatives at Westminster, simplistic question. But, this is not the British way. We must not panic. We must remain calm as we watch events unfold.
I am aware that some few of you may be unhappy with this. To those few I say: There are regular flights leaving Heathrow for Canada and Australia. Have a nice day."
I know, it's a work in progress. But I've heard worse.
