Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

I'm no saint, I agree, but I don't retaliate as a matter of course - only when I think I can raise a smile in some people that I respect.

How about this one ;)

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

And there are times when you have made me grin.
Maybe because the respect is mutual.

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

Some people really have no idea! Practice bewilderment whilst asking what other people are laughing at. I quite likely find situations more often than a lot of others though, just the circles I find myself in.

Totally yes-I tend to not that sort of response unless there really is no other lol
I suppose I should have said 'The only bad thing!' :D
I agree that's what makes them quotable and funny :)

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

Another i like is Winston Churchill to Lady Astor ( i think ) she said "Sir if you were my husband i would poison your tea " to which he replied " Madam if you were my wife i would drink it" . Top drawer or what?

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

I never forget a face.
But in your case I'll make an exception.
-Groucho Marx

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

George Bernard Shaw sending 2 tickets for the first night of his new play to Winston Churchill - "bring a friend if you have one". Winston in reply: "Can't make the opening night, shall come to the second night - if there is one".

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 17."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "**** you."

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that too."

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

probably a bit crude, but "fanny like a ripped out fireplace" makes me chuckle

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

My mother once described a relative to me as 'having a face like a smacked bottom'.

(That's the clean version!)

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

another one that is a bit more refined(:D) 'gob like a roven pocket'

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

Teeth like snooker balls, only needs a white un fer set.:D

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

Bulldog licking push of a thistle

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

face like a joss ar5ed baboon....face like a melted welly...face like a ruptured custard...just a few to denote a 'homely' person.

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

when about to be set upon in a pub shout very loudly " dont hit me ill get an errection"

the look on their face is priceless

Re: Witty Ripostes and insults....
 

We're just being smutty now :D

The bulldog/thistle one I hear a muckier version of all the time.

You don't want to hear some of the stuff I hear said at work! (Only an observer, of course) ! :)