Sad Christmas
 

I have to admit that I am heartily sick of Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol. I am so sick of it that I am tempted to re-write it so that Tiny Tim dies of starvation just before Scrooge bursts in with the Christmas Dinner.

Which got me thinking, Everyone must have their favourite slice of yuletide black humour, or sentimental seasonal mawkishness with just a touch of mordant wit.

Here's one, it comes from America, oddly enough, and it made me laugh. Perhaps after reading it you will think "Gosh, I could do better than that!" and will be tempted to share?

Lets see....

Sad Christmas Story

Several weekends ago, I was rushing around trying to do some shopping. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the weather right then. It was dark, unseasonably cold, and wet in the parking lot.
As I was loading my car up, I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So, mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to th mall entrance.
As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred-dollar bill in his hand.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full-time jobs, She made very little to support her large family.
Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children some presents (since she didn't manage to get them anything on their birthdays). His mother had dropped off the young boy on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home.
He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.
"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I queried.
The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How loud did you scream?" I inquired.
The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"
I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

Re: Sad Christmas
 

then gary glitter approached him , put his arm around him and whispered gently in his ear that everything was going to be ok and did he want to earn $200

edit:

you did ask us to share AB :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

well, A-B......I have to say that I didn't laugh very much. It reminded me too much of what it was like to be a large poor family at Christmas.....my mother had two jobs too.

Re: Sad Christmas
 

I'm sorry! I know it's sick but I did actually chuckle at that :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

For everyone having a good christmas I wonder how many are having a bad one?
Sometimes I think we take christmas for granted and that all is well in world.

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Everything is well ............ as long as you remember to defrost the turkey properly ;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Good point nowt worse than a chilly bird at christmas. ;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

unless your an eskimo ;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

I was going to say "Yes, just ask Tinks" ;)

But I thought better of it! :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

unfortunatly commen sense didnt kick in b4 you posted that you thought of it lol

me quoting you dosnt help either :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

I agree :(

Of course he can ask me ....... a hot bird ;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

T is that hot she's smokin or is that the turkey burning in the oven?
Thought mi mother in law was up here, must have sneaked into Accy.
;)

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At least I didn't have to duck that time! :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

The ghostly vision we call Garinda, stands at the end of A-bernezer's Care Bear's four poster bed, the one with the matching pelmet.

'Whoooooooo. Whhhhhhhoooooooo. Whhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooooooo.'

A-bernezer awakens to see the vision of wispy loveliness. Garinda decides to ignore the little tent that has appeared under the Care Bears duvet.

'A-bernezer Scrouge, you've been a miserable old ****** all year.'

'You will give poor tiny Tim more than a goose this Christmas. You'll give him stuffing as well, with all the trimmings.'

A-bernezer sees that Garinda is right, and from now on he'll be as giddy as a giddy kipper that's had to much of his favorite gin.

God bless us, each and every one, even old A-bernezer.

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Care Bear duvet and playing tents should never be spoken in th same thread and if tiny tim is so tiny its no wonder hes not the one doing the stuffing

and giddy kippers dont drink gin thats a tarts drink

Re: Sad Christmas
 

A-b drinks Gordon's, when Gordon isn't looking.

Are you calling him a tart?

Re: Sad Christmas
 

wouldnt that make him a thieving tart...?

oh and stop trying to get me into trouble i can manage quite well on my own thankyou :p

Re: Sad Christmas
 

You getting into trouble never. And here was me thinking you were a liitle angel. :o

Re: Sad Christmas
 

He's the little Angel at the top of the tree.

We don't know where to stick the branch though!:confused:

Re: Sad Christmas
 

well if were missing an a$$hole you fit the job pretty well m8 :p

Re: Sad Christmas
 

If you want a AH up there what about Mr PB he would be able to admire the work don as well as look down on people. ;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

i think garinda would get more job satisfaction though :eek:

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Disagree with that PB likes to be the top of the tree it would make hime feel more important. Mind you if we get enough bend in the tree we could catapult him out of Accy> :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Yes I would enjoy looking down my cute button nose at you lot.;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

yeah but you would shake all the blooming decorations off the tree so your fired m8 :(

Re: Sad Christmas
 

In which direction????

Re: Sad Christmas
 

My Parkinson's would mean all the decorations would gaily twinkle, not shake off the tree.;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

It is not often I am described as insensitive, misanthropic and a tart all in one thread, this has got to be something of a first.:bleedht:

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Yeah just think of all the poor people that wont be having a good time this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POOR ME!!!!!:( :( :(

I have to work on Christmas day!!!!!

My day will be spent, juggling, Trying to spend time with kids and ginger, while getting ready for work................I think that all old peoples families should take them home from the 23rd December til 3rd January. Give us poor carers a break...............FAT CHANCE!!!

Re: Sad Christmas
 

its a pity you cant put them in box's for the winter like blue peter did each year with their tortoise :)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

In that case it should be illegal to have a baby on Christmas Day too...;) :D I am also working Xmas Day and Boxing Day, and believe me it can be the busiest day of the year..

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Slinks that's reallly tight.

Not only do you have to look after the old dears, you are expected to entertain them as well with your juggling skills.:(

Re: Sad Christmas
 

My gran is in a care home and is not fit enough to be with family. I sypithise but I have the same problem as the rota is out for Christmas and New Year and I have copped Christmas Day. Onthe up side I have my daughter Boxing Day so thats my Christmas Day.

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Yeah!! me and ginger said we will have our Christmas day on boxing day this year. The Christmas dinner will be served on boxing day.
I am also working on New years eve until 8pm, but that doesn't bother me SO much as i am home in time to still party and I am off new years day, which is good because last year i had HANGOVER from hell, and walked into work at 2pm in afternoon still looking like HULK:D . So at least this year i can just curl on settee and enjoy my hangover hehehe

Re: Sad Christmas
 

No I am not entertaining them on christmas day. I think this is a better Idea.................

Me walk into work at 2pm
Me get bottle of vodka out of bag at 2:05pm
Me sit down at 2:06pm with bottle and full glass
Me drunk by 3pm
Old folk entertaining me by 3:10pm
Me getting sacked at 3:15pm:D :D
Me home enjoying the rest of my Christmas day by 3:20pm

Now this sounds better to me lol.

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Oh dear forgot the fact that New Year is a 2 day holiday up here. Need it as the drinking starts at the bells and carries on all day. WHile most of GB is back at work on the 2nd Scotland for the most part will still be sobering up. A annual 36 hour bender needs a serious amount of time to recover from. :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

How bloody inconsiderate of people to go into labour on Christmas day Lettie. Can people not do what I did??

I was due with my second little boy on 23rd December 1998. But to save loads of hard work for the midwives, i had him on the 13th December instead............see what a considerate person I am:D :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Yeah a couple of weeks recovery time before Burns night!

Happy days, I remember it well:)

Now where's that survey about Scotland being the most unhealthy country in the western world?:D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Perhaps if you are the ghost of Christmas past, then this painful memory is the reason for his hatred of the season?
When next you appear as Christmas present instead of Humbug you could let him have a suck on a couple of Uncle Joes Mint balls? This may remove the horrible taste of your last meeting!
I know these sweets come from the exotic and far away land of Wigan but even that town was in Lancashire once so it might not be too foreign to him

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Wigan pie capital of the world.

A pie filled with that other Wigan delicacy Uncle Joe's Mintballs, yummmmm.:)

Now that appeals to me, Mater Bun the baker's son.

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Partying is a way of life up here. Scots keep the drinks company profits high;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Fiddlesticks I am in Accy on Burns night. Must find out were the meal is and the whiskey. :D

A month of drinking from Christmas to Rabs night now thats partying. ;)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

me too ..................................

http://dana.ucc.nau.edu/~rb224/images/fonz.jpg

Re: Sad Christmas
 

I will be spending Burns night at the Calf's Head at Worston. We have a works Burns Night do every year instead of a Christmas do. I'm looking forward to my haggis....it's yummy..:D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Cant beat a good Burns supper Lettie especially if its a proper haggis. :)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

That's really considerate of you Slinky. I wish everyone could be so obliging. My mate went into labour on Christmas day 13 years ago. She downright refused to go to hospital until she'd had her Xmas dinner, and just made it to the hospital with a few minutes to spare. It's ace when people do that, cuts down on loads of paperwork...:D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Never let anything get in the way of a good meal. :D Imagine booking Christmas day for a birth its not on the poor baby would be scared for life as having a birthday on the most important day of the year must be terrible. :eek:

Re: Sad Christmas
 

When Christmas is approaching whenever you do your shopping there is always a couple in the check-out in front of you with three trolleys, one filled with wine and spirits, the second with different cans of beer and the third filled with the most exotic foods imaginable (with a token packet of six Monster Munch on top).

As you drift towards sleep because you know that she will be paying and hasn't even looked in her purse yet for her credit card, one of them always turns to you and says, "Kids Eh? if it wasn't for them we wouldn't bother with Christmas!".

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Sounds like their kids have a serious drink problem. :rolleyes:

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Sorry Lettie :o but that was also me 14 years ago this xmas. Went into labour in midnight mass and went home and managed till about 4am, rang hospital and although my contractions were not that regular they advised me to go in as it was a prem labour. Funny thing was making my then husband stop as we went up shadsworth road so I could get out of the car and crawl on all 4's to get through a really bad contraction!! He was finally born at 9.26am so was back up on the ward in time for xmas lunch! :) The happy ending was that he required no special care (6weeks early) as I had already been in prem labour (at 26 weeks which they managed to stop and was given medication to build babies lungs up) and he was a healthy 6lb 2oz but covered in jet black hair all over (lanugo)... aww bless.

SO ON BEHALF OF ALL MOTHERS WHO HAVE GIVEN BIRTH ON XMAS DAY....THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT SUCH A SPECIAL DAY. My mum and husband were even provided with xmas lunch in the staff canteen with a beer and a glass of wine!!!!

Re: Sad Christmas
 

6 weeks early, Jesus now there's a kid that couldn't wait for father Christmas:D

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How many kids do you know who wait so calm cool and collect for Christmas? :D

Re: Sad Christmas
 

Yeah but would you believe he's 5'9" tall already!!! Def would never believe he was prem. Plus we celebrate his birthday on 1st march when he was christened. He gets birthday cards and cake on xmas day and pressies and party on 1st march so he still gets a special day like everyone else. We've always called it Party day :)

Re: Sad Christmas
 

A very lucky laddie i say.