Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I've got to be honest and say I wanted to post this on the Hyndburnlite.org site, but unfortunatly it would'nt let me when I tried. In fact, it appears to be a little bit like winning ten quid on the lottery; sometimes your posts come up, but most of the time you get nowt. Unlike, of course, the magnificent success of our marvellous crime-fighting Czars, Doug & Sandra Hoyle.

Is there not a day that goes by without us hearing of another splendid initiative or daring deed undertaken by our fearless duo? Is it not the case that the good citizens of Hyndburn can sleep soundly in their beds at night (and in Letties case during the day, when she's on nights), due to their mighty endeavours? They bravely go where others fear to thread, and thanks to them the criminal fraternity of Hyndburn is now firmly on the back foot (apart from friday and saturday night, when they take over the town centre)

Therefore, by way of a thank-you, I am proposing a fan club, with possibly myself as secretary and, I hope, Acyrlic-Bob as honoury chairman. Who else wants to join? Who else wants to be kept updated, 24/7, on the deeds of our noble crusaders, Doug & Sandra?

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Are there capes involved? If so, count me in.

Purely out of interest, who on earth are Doug & Sandra Hoyle and what equips them to be crime-fighters extraordinaire? (It must be extraordinaire because it's b****r all else use).

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

They are elected representatives who, when not sitting in the Council's Cabinet Office are wearing out boot leather on Hyndburn's mean streets or launching another challenging initiative or clamping down on whatever has to be clamped down on or........the list goes on.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

OK, that's what (or who) they are, but what makes them so suitable to be crime-fighters? If anything?

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

They're cronies of Britcliffe.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I thought their surname was Hayes??? Which just goes to show in true crime-fighting comic book style that nobody really knows the true names of our intrepid duo..:D I personally can't wait for my weekly copy of the Observer to find out what this glorious pair have tackled next. They are so versatile, fire escapes and harsh words about anti-social behaviour. I can't wait until they stumble on the pensioners 'black market' Lily of the Valley and Lavender scam going on under our noses at the moment..

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I may be naive, but wouldn't a good first step towards effective crime-fighting in Accy be to have a manned police station - properly manned, 24 hours, like it used to be? One bobby and a dog to cover all of Hyndburn doesn't seem very effective to me. Can Doug & Sandra fly like Superman? Do they have super-strength, X-ray vision, etc? Can they leap tall buildings at a single bound?

If not, a few more policemen might be a good idea ... unless of course they were too busy targeting parking offences etc ....

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

>>Can Doug & Sandra fly like Superman? Do they have super-strength, X-ray vision, etc? Can they leap tall buildings at a single bound?<<

Errrm, weeeeell, to be honest, no, not exactly. But they are good at liaising and they are pretty hot at attending council meetings and drawing allowances and according to Peter "I'm worth £16,000 a year" Britcliffe, they are worth it too and we are really lucky to have them.

I would just like to add that I would be deeply honoured to assume the mantle of Chairman of the Doug and Sandra Hayes Fan Club. I would like to thank Tealeaf for his nomination. I think our Crime Czar's need all the support we as a community can offer them. To this end I am proposing a whip-round to buy them each a pair of surgical support stockings and a set of "Go-faster" stripes to attach to their Zimmer frames.

Anything left over, will be donated to the " Community Wardens unemployment fund".

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Here are the deadly duo !!!!
http://www.accringtonweb.com/forum/a...tid=2234&stc=1

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Which is Which???? ;)

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

The Zen of Crime Fighting.



Few people know this but Doug spent decades studying Zen attitudes to civic responsibility in a legendary secret Shaolin Temple located somewhere deep in the barren, bleak wastes of Green Haworth. Long years of hardship and study, with only the occaisional sheep and his pet ferret for company, equipped Doug to deal with the monstrous tide of evil that currently engulfs the borough.

At the heart of the Zen philosophy of crime fighting is the maxim which Doug learned at the feet of the grand master of the temple, the mysterious and revered figure known only as ‘Eric, the Sheep Botherer'. Which is, in essence, ‘You are but a rock in the river, grasshopper. The tide of life moves past and around you, and you may observe it, but it need not move you’.

Doug assimilated this doctrine of non-interference and used it to develop his revolutionary and highly profitable crime fighting techniques. Doug is firmly of the conviction that, if you do absolutely nothing at all, and keep doing it for long enough, the criminal will eventually get bored and go away. Thus the problem is solved in a completely non-violent, non-confrontational and profoundly politically correct way. Everybody is happy and there are calls for choruses of ‘For he’s a jolly good fellow!’ and extra allowances all round.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I'm sure I can detect a slight (very slight).................case of sarcasm :D :D

But the mind boggles at your descriptive powers A-Bob.....some of us are mere humans, and cannot comprehend the musings of an acient sage :eek: :eek:

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

>>I'm sure I can detect a slight (very slight).................case of sarcasm <<

Do you think so, really? I am mortified.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I would like to thank the Chairman of the Doug and Sandra fan club for giving me a damn good laugh. It's not often I crack up laughing after just getting out of bed following a busy night shift. I doff my cap to the honourable Chairman and Secretary, and ask if you need anyone to take minutes at the next fan club meeting??:D

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Well thank-you, Lettie. Tea and I do our best, but we cannot compete with Doug and Sandra and the rest of the jokers at HBC.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Take it from one who knows.

There are plenty of people at HBC who deserve having the rip taken out of them. Doug and Sandra Hayes are not among them. They work hard and their hearts are in the right place. At least they live in the borough.

How many senior officers can say the same? Lets start with Management Team.......

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

But do we actually need them to be doing whatever it is they are working hard at doing and is it actually preventing any crime?

This borough is supposedly strapped for cash. I for one would prefer more police catching real criminals than a couple of Crime Czars sorting out whether or not little old ladies have got smoke alarms. (oops maybe I shouldn't have said that. We'll be getting Smoke Alarm Czars next.)

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I agree, Willow. Perhaps Stanleyguy would like to join the fan club and regale us all with tales of the sterling work accomplished by our two intrepid heroes. I'm sure that we would all be thrilled to bits to hear what they have actually done to make Hyndburn a better place in which to live. After all, "by their fruits shall ye know them".

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK....Excuse me Madam, but have you got smoke alarms fitted.

Errr no officer....I don't smoke.....

Well you could have a fire...and..

Yes Officer I have an electric fire

Well madam it could go up in smoke..and then you'd need a smoke detector to protect your houshold.

AAhhhh Officer...we've got a good Budgie that squawks when it sees smoke

Sorry Madam, that will not do...now would you please accompany me to the Police Station where you will be formally charged.

Certainly Officer...however, the Police Station has just closed for the night, would you like to wait outside until morning???

AAHH I SEE A POTENTIAL CRIMINAL IN THE OFFING!! CALL OUT THE CRIME CZARS!!!!!!! FARENHEIT 451 HAD NOTHING ON THIS!!

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

>>How many senior officers can say the same? Lets start with Management Team.......<<

Well, I don't think anyone has much mud worth the slinging when it comes to The Management Team, they appear to be pretty adept at covering their tracks. However if Stanleyguy would like to contribute a few gobbets of the juiciest bits of Council Gossip, maybe in a P.M., I'm sure We could arrange a new Fan Club. My slinging arm could do with the exercise.

Darby, I liked that, very Pythonesque.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

My point exactly. And they are paid mega-bucks to keep their tracks covered. And they go home to their houses each evening well away from the borough leaving the likes of Doug and Sandra to account for their actions.

Anyone able to name any of these faceless bureaucrats?

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Oh I'm getting a bit long in the tooth for all this teasing, If you have something to say Stanleyguy, for goodness sake, spit it out!

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I suppose Doug and Sandra are very nice people in their own right. Our complaint is probably with whoever thought to create the bizarre postions of Crime Czars in the first place and presumably they also defined the roles. Perhaps whoever dreamed up the idea should be asked to explain to us exactly what the benefits are to us as Hyndburn residents.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Everybody is a very nice person in their own right - well almost everybody,( Myra Hindley wasn't very nice). But not everybody stands for public office and invites the electorate to give them a mandate to manage the borough, and then proceed to make such a mess of it that we all wish that they hadn't bothered. And then get really upset when we, the electorate, berate them for their lacklustre performance. Nearly all the current crop of councilors will have made promises at election time to get on top of the refuse collection fiasco - have they done it? Doug and Sandra were given the job of tackling crime three months ago and in that time have they managed to make one iota of difference? It is Rix who is charged by the council with the regeneration of the boroughs run down areas and what do we see, half measures, funding that mysteriously dries up and a lack of imagination that is comparable only to the degree of hubris thus far displayed.

It strikes me that the people of this town have been handed the s**tty end of the stick by HBC so often in the last thirty years that they now have come to expect nothing else. To be perfectly frank, I couldn't care less if Doug and Sandra's hearts are in the right place or not, the location of their viscera is a matter of complete indifference to me as it must be to many others. I want to see RESULTS !

I do however agree with Stanleyguy's suggestion that the HBC Management Team have as many, if not more, questions to answer concerning the woeful state of decline in the borough, as our elected incompetants.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Is he still there? I thought he'd left.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Don't be daft. that one will never leave while there are still a few coppers left in the pot.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I heard he'd had a better offer from one of the companies HBC are in Partnership with.

Or am I totally wide of the mark?

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I know this is old news but

What are Hyndburn BoroughCouncil’s areas for improvement?

•

•

•

Date: 24 June 2004

Cllr Britcliffe added “

The financial crisis obviously was the main reason we were knocked back to fair.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

On the subject of Nigel Rix Stanleyguy, I refer you to the Project Phoenix thread which explains that Mr Rix is currently the chairman of "Hyndburn First" (otherwise known as "Hyndburn council's regeneration arm" or the bunch that manage to have lost £500,000 somewhere along the way.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I would love to be in the front row of the public Gallery when the case comes up before the Magistrates.:D

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Aren't those photos supposed to be on the post office wall? They sure look like Bonny and Clyde to me.

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Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

According to the official Hindburn Council web site, Our Mr Rix is presently involved in the following:
1) Regeneration Partnership & Programmes,
2) Community Cohesion & Neighbourhood Renewal,
3) Crime & Disorder,
4) Globe Enterprises
5) Asset Management.............and
6) NUDA/GONW/LPS Partners....?????? Eeer wot?
Lets send him to jail for these offences :D

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

What the heck is NudaGonwLps? I haven't heard of that one.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

I think I can help on that one. The web site actually says that he is Lead Contact for NWDA/GONW/LSP.

NWDA = North West Development Agency. A quango set up to distribute government funds to local authorities.

GONW = Government Office North West. Part of central government devolved from Whitehall to target specific areas of the country.

LSP = Local Strategic Partnership. A group of local organisations brought together to plan the future of the area via a set of strategic plans, such as the Community Plan. In Hyndburn, Hyndburn First is the LSP.

Got it? It's either a more efficient means of governing us in Hyndburn........

....or an excuse for faceless bureaucrats to push loads of paper round and draw fat salaries at the expense of the Council Tax payer.

I think I go along with the second one.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Hmmm, So do we know who the two "faceless bureaucrats" are, who's salaries are in excess of £70,000 this this year?*

(*-According to the council's published accounts for 2003-4)

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

So, let me think about this for a moment..............................
.................................................. ..................................
.................yep, thought so:

Call the same thing by a few different names and you can get away with losing more money. Does that sound like HBC policy to you?

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Look no further than the web page for Management Team.

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

NUDA/GONW/LPS Partners

That shouldn't have been shown it's the part of his C.V. for hobbies:-

Not
Usually
Doing
Anything:
Goes
On
Nature
Walks:
Likes
Playing
Snap:

:p

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

Just to let everyone know that the true-life story of Doug, Sandra and the rest of the gang at HBC is shortly due for big-screen release. The resemblances - Doug's in particular - are quite startling. Here's the trailer:

http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/...bles/main.html

Enjoy!

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

:rofl38: That's incredible...... Wonder how much they're being paid in royalties.:D

Re: Doug & Sandra Fan Club
 

How about turning the big screen release into a musical and call it Hyndburn West Side story or Piddler on the Roof