Let's not leave them alone, Please....

[garinda]

Leave me alone.

See back on thread.

[SPUGGIE J]

Leave you alone what have we done is it bad is it boring is it is it

[mani]

good thread...

i think with the threat of bogus gas meter men etc old people may at times just be too cautious and at times too reserved nad have too much pride in that they dont need help living their lives etc.

sometimes just bitter from the fact hteir own family members dont

in such times i think the asian community has it right where parents stay with the kids regardless. the amount of times i've been at home awake at nite playin computer games when i've had to take my old man to the hospital with heart pains or a severe asthma attack. this being at 3-5am who wud've been there otherwise?

[lettie]

When I first moved onto my street there were several elderly men and women who lived alone. They all looked out for each other and it was lovely.

I came home from work one day to find most of the neighbours out on the street. They were worried because one of the old men hadn't been seen that morning. He was always up early cleaning his windows and sweeping his doorstep so it was unusual for him not to be around. His curtains were closed and everyone was worried.

As I got out of the car one of the neighbours asked if I would go into the house with her. She had a key to this fellas house but didn't want to go in alone, just in case he was dead. They thought that being a nurse, I would be willing to go in with her.

We let ourselves into the house and checked the living room and kitchen. No sign of him....... As we approached the door to go up the stairs, it flung open and there was the old fella.....

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he shouted.

"We were worried about you and thought that you may have had an accident," replied my neighbour.

"Jesus Christ!!!!! You can't even have a lie in on this street," he exclaimed.

By this time I was falling about laughing, the neighbours had all crowded around his front door straining to hear what was going on. It was like a scene from Last of the Summer Wine.

That was about 13 years ago, and sadly most of these older neighbours have since died. The remaining older folk still keep an eye on each other though.

[slinky]

Nice one lettie, that made me chuckle!!! trust the elderly.........

It's nice to still have a bit of community spirit around though.

We have a couple of elderly where I live and they all watch out for each other. But I watch too, If I haven't seen them for a couple of days, i always go to one of there houses and just enquire abut the person I haven't seen. Usually I get " oh she's fine, I was round there having a brew at dinner, although I don't know why I bother, all she does is whinge," hehehe they are funny.

One of my neighbours lost there beloved Jack russell in summer. She was devastated. One day I was sat in the garden soaking up the sun and she came across and asked if she could sit with me. As we were talking she told me she hated being in the house without her dog, it didn't feel right and she was lonely. We sat in my garden for hours putting the worlds to rights. She has just got another dog now, so she is occupied at the moment taking this one to obedience classes in Oswaldtwistle .

[garinda]

Mani made a point about bogus callers, just a note of caution.

Last month, after a sleeplees night, I was still in bed when my doorbell rang at nine am. I struggled downstairs, still half asleep. There was a man there who said he'd come to change the gas meter, I let him in. He asked if I had any other gas fittings on, or pilot lights lit. I told him the central heating boiler was in the cupboard in the bathroom. He asked me to go and turn it off.

When I came down the front door was open and he had diasappeared. I started to panic. How could I have been so stupid? He had showed me no i-d, wasn't even in a uniform, and I'd left him in my house whilst I was upstairs.

Getting more and more stressed, I was flapping about outside, still in my dressing gown, when who should walk round the corner but the man with the new gas meter.

I had a lucky escape this time, and won't do it again. Nor will I think, when I read about an old person being tricked into letting someone into their home, well they knew the rules- so did I.

Neighbourliness is good, but don't let anyone into your home you don't know, and leave them unattended like this plonker did.

[jambutty]

Round about this time every year someone somewhere brings forward the thought that we should look out for our elderly neighbours because it is Xmas.

So they don’t count for the rest of the year?

I accept that some old folk will just want to live out the rest of their lives with their memories and not be bothered by neighbours and these people are difficult to keep in contact with. However are we not going about it all the wrong way?

The general consensus seems to be to make contact with a view to HELPING them.

What about making contact to ask them to help you instead? I don’t mean with material things but asking Mr or Mrs Old down the road if she can offer her experience and advice on ………

Next time your new born is red in the cheeks, crying and obviously teething, nip round to Mrs. Old and ask her if she knows why even if you know already. Or something like, my cake hasn’t risen, any idea why?

If Mr Old is known for his gardening prowess go and ask him about planting something.

There may be snow on the roof of a golden oldie and the body may be crumbling but there is a wealth of knowledge and experience in the loft and we all just love to impart that experience to others.

Make the golden oldie feel wanted not like someone who might need help.

Speaking as a 68 years old Apprentice Geriatric I would resent busy bodies poking their noses into my affairs, unless they were volunteering to vacuum the house and dust around or they were capable of making a good old fashioned steak and kidney pie. But if someone came round and asked about something that I have knowledge of, I would welcome them.

[Doug]

I do take note of your point and I’m sure that most people will reflect on the subject the same way but in reality it as nothing to do with Christmas, it more about the winter period where not only the older members of the community but also the weak, infirm or disabled of any age group who might not go unseen, unheard and unnoticed in the warmer, lighter months of the year, but are severely at an heightened risk when the darker, colder and depressive nights of winter fall on us. Has the year turns after the New Year and the months get progressively colder the death rates go up. Unnecessary deaths or injuries do rise during the festivities because the rest of us take our eye off the ball, but it doesn’t have to happen.

A simple “Hello” how are you is enough in most case’s has you’ve established that all important contact. Just a small note to the well intentioned who might want to do as much as possible to help,

Don’t go calling too early in the morning or late in the evening or at night. Use the day light hours wisely, people will see you better and appreciate your efforts more. “Get them out of a warm bed on your way to work at 7.30 am won’t endear you to them.”

Don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep.

Don’t go round in groups, it can be threatening.

Don’t pester; establish regular contact and the look out for obvious signs that something might be a miss.

Don’t create dependency, it will undermine they and yourself.

Do help clear paths of ice or snow.

Do help keep paths open and clear of waist or general rubbish.

Do give honest advice and directions; never assume responsibility for the individual’s financial affairs, point them toward their GPs surgery or the local council advice centre or social work department. There are people qualified to deal with such matters.

Do offer to collect shopping if you’re going shopping yourself.

Always use your common sense and communicate with other around the neighbourhood. Don’t assume someone else is doing something, if they are share the responsibility and never allow yourself to be left alone with young children, take a partner with you.

[garinda]

If I haven't posted on here in any twenty four hour period, please feel free to offer assistance, as I am probably to shakey to turn the computer on.

[Margaret Pilkington]

My Mother is one of these independent old birds.....and believe me she can be a right pain. I always do a roast dinner on a Sunday. It doesn't take much to plate a dinner up for her and take it.....but what a palaver.....I have to ring her in advance to ask her to unlock the back door and the gate. Recently she told me to stop plating up a dinner.....when I asked her why?
She said it was too much work for me. I got so exasperated with her.

If I ask her if she wants any shopping doing she says 'No' and then I find she has paid something like £8 to a taxi firm for her to be taken up Ossy to do a bit of shopping......I've told her I will do it for £5.....no,hubby and I would take her to the ends of the earth. In fact when i take her to Falmouth later on this month she is going off the cliff if I don't get my wheel chair badge this time.....I'm fed up of being just an apprentice wheelchair pusher.

[katex]

Margaret: I think I understand a little of what is going on here. It is extremely difficult to accept the role reversal. You give everything to your kids, not expecting anything in return. Your mum is obviously proud of what you have achieved and her job is done and she threw you out of the nest years ago, she does not want to burden you with her failing health,etc.(Pride, eh ? comes before a fall) I am beginning to feel that way a little myself now, young son just now on road to decent career and want him to lead his own life .. my job is done .. I don't want to clutter up his future life now with any of my difficulties .. think that it what she is feeling, sort off a mixture between the animals/human. I watch the ducks/geese/swans at the back of me house and as soon as the young are fit to survive they are quite cruel and see them off for their own good. Just pride I think.

[Margaret Pilkington]

You have hit the nail on the head there Katex......but she knows that we don't find her a burden.....in fact she is a real good laugh.....and all of life is a trade off......I'll trade a meal for a bit of the past and a good yarn.....I'll trade a ride to the shops for half an hour of belly laughs......I'll trade pushing her round in her wheelchair for my fully fledged wheelchair pushers badge.....I have been apprentice for far too long. Sometimes parents have to accept the role reversal thing as a penalty for living so long.....her job will never be really complete... there will always be things that she can teach me.

[katex]

Margaret: Find those trade off things really beautiful .. you are extemely literate ... wouldn't it be lovely if you wrote all those down for her so she understands that she still has plenty left to give you. Would make lovely lyrics to a song, or piece of poetry; at worst message in a birthday card. Can't give these karma things yet, but you would be top of the tree on this one.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by katex

Margaret: Find those trade off things really beautiful .. you are extemely literate ... wouldn't it be lovely if you wrote all those down for her so she understands that she still has plenty left to give you. Would make lovely lyrics to a song, or piece of poetry; at worst message in a birthday card. Can't give these karma things yet, but you would be top of the tree on this one.

Kate if you enjoy Margaret's writing read her journal. It's wonderful, but make sure you start at the begining, otherwise the romance in the middle won't make any sense.

[Doug]

Originally Posted by katex

Margaret:Can't give these karma things yet, but you would be top of the tree on this one.

Keep going and you will before long.......