Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Better still, make it look like you are breathing in while someone else breaths out.
That way, they get blamed for the stink !

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Housewives:

When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Taxi Drivers.

Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where the f*ck you're going!

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Bus Drivers

Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers. :D

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Old telephone books make ideal personal
address books. Simply cross out the names
and addresses of people you don't know.:)


Fool other drivers into thinking you have an
expensive car phone by holding an old TV or
video remote control up to your ear and
occasionally swerving across the road and
mounting the curb.:)


Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid
tuna. You might find that the subsequent food
poisoning will enable you to lose 12 pounds in
only two days.:)


Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen
wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave
your car parked illegally.:)

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Create 'chocolate-flavoured' toothpaste by simply eating a Mars bars whilst brushing your teeth.

Does/did anyone here read the Top-Tips section in Viz? Some laugh-till-you-cry classic in there over the years.

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Late for Work?

Tape a mousetrap to the top of your alarm clock. Never again will you fall asleep when you reach for the snooze button. :D

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

When purchasing a new 3 piece leather suite costing over £2.5k it pays to make sure that it actually fits in your living room. :D

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Housewives

If you need a pan scourer, a shredded wheat filled with pink soap makes an inexpensive brillo pad.

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Short of Money?

Buy the kids a set of batteries each at Christmas, with the message, "Toys not included!"

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Or you could give them an empty box and tell them it was an Action Man Deserter.

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Have never read it - are they repeatable for AccyWeb?

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Busman, you haven't got a top deck! :eek:

Re: Steve's Handy tips
 

Someone is not Playing with a full deck on here hehe