A letter to Mr Cameron !

ejay · 11-09-2011, 21:56

Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing Britain's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire - ten million job openings - unemploymentfixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered - car industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids/grandkids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week.....and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading schemes that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

And if more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

If not, please disregard.

Grumpies of the World Unite

Other points you might consider:

Put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home, then the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd also receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc.

They’d have constant video monitoring so if assistance was needed they’d have immediate help. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be washed and ironed as needed. There would be a guard to check on them every 20 minutes and staff to bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

There would be private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens for anyone who felt the need to exercise.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls and there would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and all guards would have a code of conduct that would have to be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and
unsupervised day and night. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week; live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week without any hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

******

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria? And, they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls.. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow.

******

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.

******

Also;

Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

garinda · 11-09-2011, 22:04

Well, you've saved yourself the price of a stamp, at least.

Though I don't know how long it will take for the Prime Minister to see his letter here on Accy Web.

ejay · 11-09-2011, 22:23

The 'Letter To Mr Cameron ' was an email forwarded to me several weeks ago - it made me smile !
Perhaps all who read it should send a copy to the PM ( might make him smile too - and give him food for thought at the same time ! )

garinda · 11-09-2011, 23:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by ejay

The 'Letter To Mr Cameron ' was an email forwarded to me several weeks ago - it made me smile !
Perhaps all who read it should send a copy to the PM ( might make him smile too - and give him food for thought at the same time ! )

It was probably a bored underling in his office who wrote the original.

Margaret Pilkington · 12-09-2011, 07:24

We could ask Graham Jones to slide it under his office door

Boeing Guy · 12-09-2011, 07:32

I'll happily buy a British car, Catherham, Ariel, McClaren or one of those re engineered E Types or Jensen Interceptors they had on top gear.
The only problem is this, could I have a grant off the government for £200.000.00 to allow me and can we cut fuel duty to zero, so I can afford to put fuel in.

jaysay · 12-09-2011, 08:11

It may have been better that, for only your second post on this site if you had intimated that this was not your own work, but you were merely passing on something you received via Email

garinda · 12-09-2011, 08:19

This made me laugh, when it was suggested everyone aged over fifty should be forced to retire, and would be given a miilion pound settlement.

'They MUST send their kids/grandkids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed'

So forcing little Amba-Jade and Kyle to study for some Micky Mouse qualification will cut the crime rate?

Great, because no one who was ever a student has committed a crime, or took part in recent riots, and/or lootings.

Less · 12-09-2011, 08:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

Great, because no one who was ever a student has committed a crime, or took part in recent riots, and/or lootings.

We should encourage our yoof into further education, then instead of breaking and entry or G.B.H. they will have the chance of climbing the social ladder and the whole world of White collar crime will be open to them, such as fraud or embezzlement.

On second thoughts, let them learn on the streets instead.

mobertol · 12-09-2011, 11:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

We should encourage our yoof into further education, then instead of breaking and entry or G.B.H. they will have the chance of climbing the social ladder and the whole world of White collar crime will be open to them, such as fraud or embezzlement.

or if they made it to the dizzy heights of Head of the IMF -just think what they'd be able to get away with...

Margaret Pilkington · 12-09-2011, 12:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaysay

It may have been better that, for only your second post on this site if you had intimated that this was not your own work, but you were merely passing on something you received via Email

To be fair he/she did explain that it was from an e-mail he/she had received......and it is noted in the third post of this thread.......I have had this e-mail too...so I was aware it wasn't something new.
I think a little more leeway for new members would not go amiss....unless of course, it is something serious.

We don't want to put new members off posting.

ejay · 12-09-2011, 12:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaysay

It may have been better that, for only your second post on this site if you had intimated that this was not your own work, but you were merely passing on something you received via Email

Yes, I agree jaysay, but it was afterall my very first post and I had fully intended that info to accompany it. Hope you will note I was quick to submit a second post afterwards to explain it was from an e-mail received from a friend.....
Bear with me, am new to all this and just starting to find my way round - was amazed I had actually managed to cut, copy and paste the 'letter' on to the forum !
Sent you a reply to this effect earlier but can't see it anywhere so apologies if you get this twice ( as I said, finding my way round - sometimes!) Cheers!

Margaret Pilkington · 12-09-2011, 12:34

Ejay, I felt that this might be the case. Just a bit of advice......which you can ignore if you want. Go over to the introduction bit of the forum and post a litle bit about yourself.
Welcome to the forum anyway.
Please don't let it put you off posting.

ejay · 12-09-2011, 13:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Ejay, I felt that this might be the case. Just a bit of advice......which you can ignore if you want. Go over to the introduction bit of the forum and post a litle bit about yourself.
Welcome to the forum anyway.
Please don't let it put you off posting.

Thanks for welcome, words of encouragement & advice - much appreciated. (Have PM'd you).

Margaret Pilkington · 12-09-2011, 14:08

Many Thanks Ejay.