Council Complaints

[West Ender]

I'm not sure if this list of genuine complaints has been posted before but - what the heck!

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's all the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

[accyman]

23: customer :hello im ringing to make an inquery about my council tax and how there seems to be a huge mistake that even a 5 year old could spot

council employee :whats your refernce number sir

customer : 76549b

council employee :sir that is a HBC reference number you have rang kent council

customer : yeah i know but have you tried talking to those useless ******* at HBC i thought i would try elswhere

[Less]

Originally Posted by accyman

23: customer :hello im ringing to make an inquery about my council tax and how there seems to be a huge mistake that even a 5 year old could spot

council employee :whats your refernce number sir

customer : 76549b

council employee :sir that is a HBC reference number you have rang kent council

customer : yeah i know but have you tried talking to those useless ******* at HBC i thought i would try elswhere

Yep 5 stars for that, one karma as well if I can manage it, (I hope you don't mind if I don't sign it, it should be blindingly obvious who it came from!)

Walks away muttering about how cowardly I'm going to be called just because I didn't sign it!