poets corner

[Darby]

The Redneck Love Poem .......

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love;
She Planned To Marry Joe.
She Was So Happy 'bout It All
She Told Her Pappy So.

Pappy Told Her, Susie Gal,
You'll Have To Find Another.
I'd Just As Soon Yo' Ma Don't Know,
But Joe Is Yo' Half Brother.

So Susie Put Aside Her Joe
And Planned To Marry Will,
But After Telling Pappy This,
He Said, "there's Trouble Still.

You Can't Marry Will, My Gal,
And Please Don't Tell You' Mother,
But Will And Joe, And Several Mo'
I Know Is Yo' Half Brother.

But Mama Knew And Said, My Child,
Just Do What Makes Yo' Happy.
Marry Will Or Marry Joe.
You Ain't No Kin To Pappy.

[Sparkologist]

Ode to a Potty Break.


I sit so quietly in class
Until I feel this pain of gas
Which stabs intestines large and small;
I hope there is an empty stall!

Or I could be in bed at nine
And dreaming of a girl so fine,
Then I awake; a siren wails
From in my gut and my entrails.

In either case, I must agree
I always have to poop and pee.
But why? For now, I'll contemplate
And urinate and defecate.

If I can just ignore the smell,
I'll try my best to do them well.
Now to avoid those accidents,
Pull down your pants, you gals and gents.

Unsnap the top, unzip the fly,
And let them fall down past your thigh,
And plant your butt cheeks on the seat,
And . .OH MY WORD! My heart is weak.

This seat's an iceberg, minus ten!
As cold as liquid nitrogen!
This morning cold is just the worst.
At least I get to use it first!

Hey, read this writing on the wall
This guy's a homosexual
Who's asking others for some sex
I'll write the number of my ex!

And now here comes the easy part:
You must fire off a warning fart
To let them know the bombs will fall!
Forget about the other stall.

Let Nature do the rest--sit back!
Let the waste fall out your crack!
It's fecal matter; Hey, good-bye,
Exit out my bottom eye.

But since I'm here, I might as well
Excrete my urine, what the hell!
It takes one minute for a ****,
But just be sure that you don't miss.

Don't hit the walls or hit the doors
The janitors hate yellow floors.
Now get your strength back; you'll be strong,
When all that stress and strain is gone.

You'll have to wipe your fundament
And clean the excess excrement
Just use that roll of little towels
Protects your hands and cleans your bowels....

Unless the stuff's just too damn soft,
And rips so easily enough
That fingers go right straight on through,
Then my poor hand gets smeared with doo!

I want some stuff that's strong and fair,
That lets me know that it was there
A couple hours after use,
So nothing gets left hanging loose.

Yes, toilet paper--that's the stuff!
And I sure hope I have enough!
For one wipe, two wipes, three wipes, four,
And five wipes, six wipes, seven, more.

Now push the handle; it goes down
Into the sewer underground,
To give the sewer rats a treat.
It's good enough for them to eat!

Or it will help the grass to rise.
But now it's time to zip my flies
Do up my pants, connect my belt
I must admit, I haven't felt.

So good as this time yesterday.
I also did the 'bombs away!'
Now some clean people wash their hands,
But me? Hell no! I'll take the chance.

I must rush off to get some lunch
Some finger food that I can munch.
Oh crap! My ode is almost done!
The time sure flies when you have fun!

I hope you loved my words so true
About a thing we all must do.
And if you feel embitterment,
Just leave the room and take your SH*T!

[WINGY]

Thats just right for you too sparkie!!!!!!

[Sparkologist]

Just what ARE you saying???

[AnotherJFK]

Dammmm Sparky, some days you sit and think, and some days you sit and stink, LOL. Here's a couple short limericks:

1.
There was a young man named lancelot
Whom the townsfolk all looked upon askance a lot
For whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot

2.
There once was a priest named Clerier
Who felt not one bit inferior
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
And now she's a mother superior

[Sparkologist]

Poor 'ickle baa-lamb....


Mary had a little lamb
Her wool was white and whispy
But then she caught the foot and mouth
And now its black and crispy


All together now, ahhh

[Sparkologist]

On a similar theme...


"Mary had a little lamb
she called it little Ralph
But now its burning in a field
because of foot and mouth"


You thought that Mary would've realised first time round just how contagious foot and mouth was

[Jaf]

Your teeth are like the stars he said, and pressed her hand so white,
He spoke the truth for like the stars, her teeth came out at night........

[accyplus]

I wish I was a chest nut tree

All nourished by the sun

With leaves and twigs and branches

And conkers by the ton

[JohnW]

I wish I was a caterpillar,
Life would be a gas,
I'd climb up all the flowers and trees,
And slide down on my..............hands and knees!

[ellie]

I wish i was a ciggarette
rolled up nice and neat
so everytime you take a drag
ur lips and mine would met

[accyplus]

Oh moon above shining bright
Your beam indeed a welcome sight
Are you coming out tomorrow night ?.

[Sparkologist]

Santa's Poem

T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was p*ssed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?
And the kids these days - they all are the pits
They want the impossible ...Those mean little sh*ts
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason
I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

[Sparkologist]

Why Computers Sometimes Crash by Dr Seuss

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk
and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM
and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

[ellie]

There was a young man from Belgrade
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I'm a bit of a ****
But think of the money I save!"