To God... from the Dog.

[Sparkologist]

And we all thought dogs were dumb animals.

Dear God:

• Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
• When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
• Why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the Mustang, the Colt, the Stingray, and the Rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a Cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
• If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
• We dogs can understand human verbal instructions; hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
• More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
• Are there postmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.. neither are laps.
4. The dustbin man is not stealing our stuff.
5. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
6. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
7. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not throw up in the car.
    11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question...

Dear God:

• When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?