H.M. The Queen formally opens Clayton End Bar

From the Accrington Observer:

Her Majesty ther Queen yesterday formally opened the Sir John Coleman bar at the Fraser-Eagle Stadium. Accompanied by H.R.H. Prince Phillip - formally attired in a Stanley No 10 shirt - The Queen , dressed in the red home colours of Accrington, expressed delight in finally visiting a real football club.

"Last time I got an invite to a footy ground", she told a delighted audience of local dignatries, "It was to the Arsenal Emirates Stadium. There was no way I was going to that dump, so I feigned a back injury. How delightful it is to finally come to a proper footy club".

After the formal ceremonies were over, the Queen & Phil retired to the bar, where they were seranaded by the latest hit tunes from Accrington's chart-topping sensation, Celtic Cross. Both were seen to sing along to the famous Stanley song, "Cart On".

Amongst all the excitement, Sir John - whose face has recently appeared on the back of the new Bank of England ten pound note - had, most unusually, to appeal for people to calm down.

Lord Whalley of Accy said "It has been a mighty successful night. This has finally crowned our season, finishing the Premiership ten points clear of Chelsea, with the European and FA cup to boot".

Prince Phillip was later ejected from the bar for being drunk & disorderly and making rascist comments about scousers.