I went to see Ma today......those of you who read my blog on a regular basis will know that lately she has not been too well.
So...devious daughter that I am......I have been finding and (where necessary) inventing reasons to go and visit her to check that she is Ok.
Like last week she asked for some Chump chops......I didn't buy them until yesterday so that I had an excuse to take them up to her house today.
Last week she did everything to keep me away....saying that it was a 'house of infection'.......I told her that viruses do not live for very long on hard surfaces...and since she had a cold, and colds were caused by viruses....I would take my chance.
So as I say i went to see her today...took her the weekend papers, and the Observer, a book she had asked me to get her off the internet, some milk, some cheese and some bacon. I also took her a tray of lovely mashed spuds.....leftovers from our dinner last night, but she said she would have them with one of those chops.
I rang her to ask her to open the back gate...didn't really fancy climbing over the back wall and exhibiting my frillies for all and sundry on the factory bottom to view.
She said to me 'Ooh don't bother coming up today, the weather is really bad'
'What is it doing there then.......raining red ink????'
That shut her up.
So off I tootled, delivered the stuff(for which, Ma was duly grateful) and as I was leaving I suggested she came and locked the back gate after me...and as I said this I told her to be careful as the back steps were slippery with green algae/moss/whatever.
I had no sooner got the words out of my mouth when one leg went one way and the other one....well, you really don't want to know.
Suffice it to say that I almost filleted my kipper......and went bumpity bump,bump down the back steps.
It is a good job that I am adequately padded around the derriere or I could have done myself a nasty mischief.
Ma was quite shocked to see me up-ended and bouncing happily down the steps......I was more bothered that I might have to get my duffle coat professionally dry cleaned.
Anyway are there any volunteers to help me put arnica ointment on my bruised BTM?
So...devious daughter that I am......I have been finding and (where necessary) inventing reasons to go and visit her to check that she is Ok.
Like last week she asked for some Chump chops......I didn't buy them until yesterday so that I had an excuse to take them up to her house today.
Last week she did everything to keep me away....saying that it was a 'house of infection'.......I told her that viruses do not live for very long on hard surfaces...and since she had a cold, and colds were caused by viruses....I would take my chance.
So as I say i went to see her today...took her the weekend papers, and the Observer, a book she had asked me to get her off the internet, some milk, some cheese and some bacon. I also took her a tray of lovely mashed spuds.....leftovers from our dinner last night, but she said she would have them with one of those chops.
I rang her to ask her to open the back gate...didn't really fancy climbing over the back wall and exhibiting my frillies for all and sundry on the factory bottom to view.
She said to me 'Ooh don't bother coming up today, the weather is really bad'
'What is it doing there then.......raining red ink????'
That shut her up.
So off I tootled, delivered the stuff(for which, Ma was duly grateful) and as I was leaving I suggested she came and locked the back gate after me...and as I said this I told her to be careful as the back steps were slippery with green algae/moss/whatever.
I had no sooner got the words out of my mouth when one leg went one way and the other one....well, you really don't want to know.
Suffice it to say that I almost filleted my kipper......and went bumpity bump,bump down the back steps.
It is a good job that I am adequately padded around the derriere or I could have done myself a nasty mischief.
Ma was quite shocked to see me up-ended and bouncing happily down the steps......I was more bothered that I might have to get my duffle coat professionally dry cleaned.
Anyway are there any volunteers to help me put arnica ointment on my bruised BTM?
