Dealing with loss

Restless

Restless

Nori Brick
Tackler
So i dont frequent the pages of accyweb on a daily basis like i once used to and it would appear viewership of the site has gone down? nethertheless popping back once in a while one can see the longtime members are still here posting here and there. That is really nice to see. Its a testiment to the strength of charactor of the forum i think. Either that or the owner just wont let it die :D. I guess some just will never move over to facebook(eh Margaret? :P) but damn i would not blame anyone for not wanting to. The stuff i see on there sometimes just does my head in. Its a great site for keeping touch with friends and family though and more inporantly messaging my girfriend. :D


Yep. I have a girlfriend!



You awake? are you still there? Dont faint on me. Yes its true. I met my girfriend around 2 years ago. She came into my life at the right time. I was really struggling with the loss of my mother who died on mothers day in 2017 from bile duct cancer(That spread into he liver) I was supressing my grief and living with my dad and my nephew and trying to be "the rock" as many people do in these situations. Hard to see my dad crying. In 39 years i had never witnessed it. So after meeting my girlfriend and going more and more into a relationship with her I would spend every weekend in Nelson. I would break down crying all the time whilst i was there and it would come out of nowhere, It was like i finally found someone i can lean on and just process what is happening..... I am very lucky to have her in my life!!



Pretty much that is what i have been doing since 2017. Dealing with the loss of my mother. I feel i have come a long way since 2017, I walked out of work around 6 months after mum died and thankfully work stuck with me, paid for councilling and bereavement therapy sessions and alongside meeting jennifer(my girlfriend :P) i am getting back to somewhat of a normal life. I honestly do not know where i would be had i not met jennifer.

I am still sober. I havent had a drink since 2013 and I havent abused painkillers since 2013. I havent taken an illegal drug since 2001 although that doesnt feel that long ago. I made a lot of bad choices. Terrible life decisions. I am lucky to be alive and I am for the first time in a long time realising that I am happy to be alive. Its even suprising to me to find read back the last sentence.


I still have a lot of anger problems. When I was off sick from work I got really angry and smashed a snowglobe that i had bought in london whilst my mum was dying(didnt know then) from cancer. The glass went into my index finger and partially severed a nerve. I had surgery around a year ago. Its a long process to maybe one day getting a percentage of feeling back in my finger. I still get a lot of dullache type pain with it which is a constant reminder of the need for change. When the COVID19 thing is over i shall be trying anger managment.



Lastly - i would like to publically thank MargaretP for being there for me in private messages during some of my hardest times.


Best wishes Accywebbers!

Rob
 
hey restless it sounds to me like yer not doing too badly everyone gets crap in their lives the art is dealing with it, and yeh seem to be doing ok. just keep batting is all yeh can do the bird will obviously help as yeh have said,
 
Restless, I am sorry to hear that you lost your mother, that is very sad, but congratulations on turning your life around and keeping it so, especially at such a time. Remember, your mother would have been very proud of you making this effort and keeping up the good work. I think you will find that to open up in the way you have by writing this blog will help you also. It sounds as if you have found the right girl as well.

By the way, I also have a lot to thank Margaret P for.
 
Rob, it is lovely to hear that you have a lady in your life.
That the lady has helped you, supported you and made your life something that you now value.
All of us do things that we would rather not think about...poor choices.
It is called being human.
It is built into our DNA.

Losing a parent is very hard.....grief is a difficult rocky path, but is the price we pay for loving someone.
Losing a mum leaves a big hole in your life.....and we put barriers round that hole....and yet sometimes we still fall into that hole.
The loose ends of loss need to be woven into the fabric of our lives......and we never ever 'get over it'....all we do is that we learn to live with it.
Rob, you cannot see your Mum, but you are still influenced by her because you carry her memory in your heart....thevsoftest gentlest place for her to be.
How do I know this....well, because I lost my mum in 2018.
So I speak from experience.

As for my input....it is called being kind, being caring and I would do it anytime.
 
Margaret, it takes a special kind of person to care about others in the way you do. I know that there are more people than Restless and myself who have benefitted from your words of comfort and support when we have needed them.

Restless, Margaret is right. Your mother will always be in your heart and in your memories.
 
Thank you for your kind word Dorothy.
I do not consider that I did anything special....other than recognise that life was tough...and words were all I had.
Pretty flimsy really.
 
Rob...you fall down...but you get up...and that is the essence of it.The hole is always going to be there...but in time you will be able to stand on the edge and look in...I am not saying it won't still have a sting to it...I am not sure that ever goes away....but you have someone who can apply balm to your life.
 
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