On Monday it was six months since we lost Ma.
It has been a very tough six months for me too.
When she died it was left to me to deal with the estate.
I was the one who stepped forward...seeing as there was no-one else on the horizon to do it.
My sister Nessa would have been there like a shot but living in Brisbane made this geographically impossible...but she and her daughter did help greatly in the aftermath of ma's death.
My brother Phil...he too rolled up his sleeves and got stuck in with clearing the house.
But James(who lives just a short ride down the road in Bolton) gave up none of his time...expended no effort at all...in fact to this day he STILL has not been in touch with me at all.
Mick...well, he lives in Portugal so I could not expect anything from that quarter either.
However the biggest disappointment was the actions of my brother in Sydney.
He has created delay after delay with the dealing with the estate...he has accused me of fraud and collusion(despite all of my dealings being covered by an evidential paper trail and totally transparent) he has told lies about me to the brothers I have not been in contact with(and they have swallowed his lies).
I have had three valuations on the house...all of them he has challenged in spite of the fact that one of them is an independent valuation done by a chartered surveyor.
This brother thinks the house has been massively undervalued...but frequently asserts that it is 'not about the money'.
He has opposed every thing I have done...he has told me that when the estate is wound up, he will want to examine all the accounts to a forensic level.
He is welcome to do that...if he wants to challenge the post office phone bill or the British Gas power bills then good luck to him.
He has sent me intimidatory and bullying e-mails...so I blocked his access and asked my solicitor to deal with everything...then he told everyone that I was in breach of the executorship because I was failing to communicate with beneficiaries(meaning him).
I told him prior to his exclusion that I was NOT an Executor....as there was NO will....that I had applied for letters of administration.
You might be asking what his beef is?
Well, it is that he sees this role I have undertaken as a power thing....and he dislikes that I refused to take his flaky advice over how to deal with our Ma's affairs.
(He believes that he could have done a better job of it...that he knows what Ma would have wanted.)
I did this because he did not know what Ma would have wanted...whereas I did because we had talked about things when we were together.
He has brought up grievances from more than three decades ago...despite the fact that these are irrelevant to anything at all to do with the estate.
So as you can see it has been very traumatic for me..and I can see no real end in sight.
Anyway, last Sunday my Electric went off(what has this got to do with the price of fish I hear you ask - be patient...it will all become clear to you very soon).
Fortunately I had cooked the chicken we were to have for tea...and salad takes no cooking at all.
I went under the stairs to check on the consumer unit.
Yes...one of the switches had 'tripped out'.
So I did what I usuaully do to reset the thing.
It did not work.
I tried again...no joy.
When this happens you have to recognise your limitations and get in the professionals.
I rang the electrician who fitted the box and asked for some guidance...which he duly gave me.
I followed the instructions to the letter, but alas nothing seemed to cure the problem.
I rang him back and told him that we were still without power to the upstairs and the kitchen.
He would have come and sorted us out, but he was at a family celebration and had had a drink.
He promised that he would come the next morning.
So then we set about restoring power to the fridge and the freezer by connecting them to sockets in the living room(lots of trailing wires).
Monday morning I was up bright and early....there was a pile of washing to be put away. I did not want the electrician to see my smalls...newly laundered or not.....so I gathered up the stuff to put it away. There were towels and sheets in the bundle...these live in the linen cupboard on the landing.
I opened the door to put them away and the washbag that was in Ma's effects from the hospital fell out at my feet.
When I brought Ma's things home I could not bear to deal with them...and the washbag just got put into this cupboard. I did not look in it or try to sort anything out.
But, now I decided I would check out what was in there.
Soap, a flannel...a pair of paper knickers, some deodorant...some wet wipes and what looked like a used wet wipe.
I presumed that Ma had used this and had nowhere to dispose of it so had tucked it into the bag to be discarded later.
Not so.
When I investigated, there was an old set of Rosary beads...beautiful blue glass.
This rosary had travelled everywhere with Ma...where ever she took her washbag,the rosary was in there.
I took it out and held it in my hands...it felt as if she was saying to me 'Stay strong, I am still here'....and it was as if she meant me to find it as I had...on the six month anniversary of her passing.
I have not really wept over my mum...I have not really grieved at all...but I had a few very moist moments.
I let Nessa and Philip know of my find...and asked them if they mind me keeping the rosary...I have not got religion, but I want to have something that was precious(but not worth a lot of money) to my mum...something she probably handled every day.
They both agreed that I should have the rosary...that Mum meant for me to find it and for me to keep it...so I AM keeping it.
It has been a very tough six months for me too.
When she died it was left to me to deal with the estate.
I was the one who stepped forward...seeing as there was no-one else on the horizon to do it.
My sister Nessa would have been there like a shot but living in Brisbane made this geographically impossible...but she and her daughter did help greatly in the aftermath of ma's death.
My brother Phil...he too rolled up his sleeves and got stuck in with clearing the house.
But James(who lives just a short ride down the road in Bolton) gave up none of his time...expended no effort at all...in fact to this day he STILL has not been in touch with me at all.
Mick...well, he lives in Portugal so I could not expect anything from that quarter either.
However the biggest disappointment was the actions of my brother in Sydney.
He has created delay after delay with the dealing with the estate...he has accused me of fraud and collusion(despite all of my dealings being covered by an evidential paper trail and totally transparent) he has told lies about me to the brothers I have not been in contact with(and they have swallowed his lies).
I have had three valuations on the house...all of them he has challenged in spite of the fact that one of them is an independent valuation done by a chartered surveyor.
This brother thinks the house has been massively undervalued...but frequently asserts that it is 'not about the money'.
He has opposed every thing I have done...he has told me that when the estate is wound up, he will want to examine all the accounts to a forensic level.
He is welcome to do that...if he wants to challenge the post office phone bill or the British Gas power bills then good luck to him.
He has sent me intimidatory and bullying e-mails...so I blocked his access and asked my solicitor to deal with everything...then he told everyone that I was in breach of the executorship because I was failing to communicate with beneficiaries(meaning him).
I told him prior to his exclusion that I was NOT an Executor....as there was NO will....that I had applied for letters of administration.
You might be asking what his beef is?
Well, it is that he sees this role I have undertaken as a power thing....and he dislikes that I refused to take his flaky advice over how to deal with our Ma's affairs.
(He believes that he could have done a better job of it...that he knows what Ma would have wanted.)
I did this because he did not know what Ma would have wanted...whereas I did because we had talked about things when we were together.
He has brought up grievances from more than three decades ago...despite the fact that these are irrelevant to anything at all to do with the estate.
So as you can see it has been very traumatic for me..and I can see no real end in sight.
Anyway, last Sunday my Electric went off(what has this got to do with the price of fish I hear you ask - be patient...it will all become clear to you very soon).
Fortunately I had cooked the chicken we were to have for tea...and salad takes no cooking at all.
I went under the stairs to check on the consumer unit.
Yes...one of the switches had 'tripped out'.
So I did what I usuaully do to reset the thing.
It did not work.
I tried again...no joy.
When this happens you have to recognise your limitations and get in the professionals.
I rang the electrician who fitted the box and asked for some guidance...which he duly gave me.
I followed the instructions to the letter, but alas nothing seemed to cure the problem.
I rang him back and told him that we were still without power to the upstairs and the kitchen.
He would have come and sorted us out, but he was at a family celebration and had had a drink.
He promised that he would come the next morning.
So then we set about restoring power to the fridge and the freezer by connecting them to sockets in the living room(lots of trailing wires).
Monday morning I was up bright and early....there was a pile of washing to be put away. I did not want the electrician to see my smalls...newly laundered or not.....so I gathered up the stuff to put it away. There were towels and sheets in the bundle...these live in the linen cupboard on the landing.
I opened the door to put them away and the washbag that was in Ma's effects from the hospital fell out at my feet.
When I brought Ma's things home I could not bear to deal with them...and the washbag just got put into this cupboard. I did not look in it or try to sort anything out.
But, now I decided I would check out what was in there.
Soap, a flannel...a pair of paper knickers, some deodorant...some wet wipes and what looked like a used wet wipe.
I presumed that Ma had used this and had nowhere to dispose of it so had tucked it into the bag to be discarded later.
Not so.
When I investigated, there was an old set of Rosary beads...beautiful blue glass.
This rosary had travelled everywhere with Ma...where ever she took her washbag,the rosary was in there.
I took it out and held it in my hands...it felt as if she was saying to me 'Stay strong, I am still here'....and it was as if she meant me to find it as I had...on the six month anniversary of her passing.
I have not really wept over my mum...I have not really grieved at all...but I had a few very moist moments.
I let Nessa and Philip know of my find...and asked them if they mind me keeping the rosary...I have not got religion, but I want to have something that was precious(but not worth a lot of money) to my mum...something she probably handled every day.
They both agreed that I should have the rosary...that Mum meant for me to find it and for me to keep it...so I AM keeping it.
Wasn't aware hed moved away.Angela was only asking me the other week if i'd seen out of him.As fer the one in Aus, i told my way of dealing with crap in yer latest blog.
