About a week ago I received a letter from Liverpool University.
This was to tell me that they had finished unpicking Ma's overcoat and were looking to arrange a date for a cremation.
They proposed a day during the week beginning the 11 th of March.
They told me that the Cremation would be at the Widnes Crematorium and asked if family members would like to attend.
Now this information knocked me for a six.
It was just after the first Anniversary of Ma leaving us....my sister in Brisbane was having a tough time of grieving....she was alternating between deep sadness, the sense of loss you get with a Bereavement and incandescent anger at how our brothers had been during the last year.
While my grieving had got to the acceptance stage.
There are still times when a thought or a memory will make my eyeballs sweat, but in the main I felt that I had dealt with my loss....grieving is never completed, because you never fill that hole in your heart, you never get used to being without the person you loved....you just find ways of dealing with it every day.
Nessie had taken herself off for a much needed break...to give herself some head space if you like.
Knowing how difficult she had found the last weeks. I held off letting her know about the letter.
But I did let her daughter know.
She said that holding back the information was exactly the right thing to do....but that she would tell her once she got back from her travels.
I asked if she thought it would be possible to arrange to come over for the funeral....if not on that date, sometime soon after.
H(Nessies daughter) said she thought it wouldn't.
They had planned to come over in the autumn of 2020.... which will be when the memorial service will be held at Liverpool Anglican Cathedral.
The had assumed that the cremation would be done around that time.
H is currently doing her PhD at University and right now everything is pretty much full on.
This thought of them not being able to attend did not fill me with warm fuzzy feelings....I could see me being stood in the church with just my son in law for company....I know that Ma would want something a bit low key, but that would be so low it would be underground.
My brother Philip wanted to come, but his wife is currently in the terminal stage of cancer....very unwell and unable to travel.
The other siblings are not worth a match.
I contacted Liverpool to let them know that I would have to wait to contact my sister as she was away in the outback.
They told me not to worry and were very reassuring.
Once Nessie got back and I let her have a copy of the letter...well, it floored her.
She really wanted to come over, but it was too short notice. She needed to come over....to help her deal with her feelings...to see Ma off on the final bit of her journey.
I suggested that maybe if she contacted Liverpool they might be able to come to some agreement....a postponement, but if it was not possible, then I would grit my teeth and deal with it.
Nessie did this and Liverpool came up trumps.
They are going to keep Ma's overcoat for another group of students to work on and they will arrange a funeral closer to the date of the Memorial Service.
This was far more than we could ever have hoped for.
It will mean that we can support each other through these two services...it also means that Nessie and her family will take Ma's ashes to Ronda(where my dad had his ashes scattered)....retain a small portion of them to be scattered off the coast at Byron Bay(a place Ma loved) where they will feel close to her.
So it has all turned out well in the end.
This was to tell me that they had finished unpicking Ma's overcoat and were looking to arrange a date for a cremation.
They proposed a day during the week beginning the 11 th of March.
They told me that the Cremation would be at the Widnes Crematorium and asked if family members would like to attend.
Now this information knocked me for a six.
It was just after the first Anniversary of Ma leaving us....my sister in Brisbane was having a tough time of grieving....she was alternating between deep sadness, the sense of loss you get with a Bereavement and incandescent anger at how our brothers had been during the last year.
While my grieving had got to the acceptance stage.
There are still times when a thought or a memory will make my eyeballs sweat, but in the main I felt that I had dealt with my loss....grieving is never completed, because you never fill that hole in your heart, you never get used to being without the person you loved....you just find ways of dealing with it every day.
Nessie had taken herself off for a much needed break...to give herself some head space if you like.
Knowing how difficult she had found the last weeks. I held off letting her know about the letter.
But I did let her daughter know.
She said that holding back the information was exactly the right thing to do....but that she would tell her once she got back from her travels.
I asked if she thought it would be possible to arrange to come over for the funeral....if not on that date, sometime soon after.
H(Nessies daughter) said she thought it wouldn't.
They had planned to come over in the autumn of 2020.... which will be when the memorial service will be held at Liverpool Anglican Cathedral.
The had assumed that the cremation would be done around that time.
H is currently doing her PhD at University and right now everything is pretty much full on.
This thought of them not being able to attend did not fill me with warm fuzzy feelings....I could see me being stood in the church with just my son in law for company....I know that Ma would want something a bit low key, but that would be so low it would be underground.
My brother Philip wanted to come, but his wife is currently in the terminal stage of cancer....very unwell and unable to travel.
The other siblings are not worth a match.
I contacted Liverpool to let them know that I would have to wait to contact my sister as she was away in the outback.
They told me not to worry and were very reassuring.
Once Nessie got back and I let her have a copy of the letter...well, it floored her.
She really wanted to come over, but it was too short notice. She needed to come over....to help her deal with her feelings...to see Ma off on the final bit of her journey.
I suggested that maybe if she contacted Liverpool they might be able to come to some agreement....a postponement, but if it was not possible, then I would grit my teeth and deal with it.
Nessie did this and Liverpool came up trumps.
They are going to keep Ma's overcoat for another group of students to work on and they will arrange a funeral closer to the date of the Memorial Service.
This was far more than we could ever have hoped for.
It will mean that we can support each other through these two services...it also means that Nessie and her family will take Ma's ashes to Ronda(where my dad had his ashes scattered)....retain a small portion of them to be scattered off the coast at Byron Bay(a place Ma loved) where they will feel close to her.
So it has all turned out well in the end.