(I apologise in advance for this unpleasant topic!)
Over the last 12 months or so I seem to have encountered a growing number of folk who have an unpleasant odour about them.
There's a few issues with this on my part, I have a very sensitive nose and find it offensive to be around horrible smelling people, and also it gets me confused-I want to know WHY this person smells and why they think it's okay to be like that.
I'll put a disclaimer, if someone has a valid reason for not being able to upkeep their personal hygeine-then I will not be judgemental, e.g if someone is homeless or very sick/disabled etc.
These are not the people I refer to.
Nor do I refer to the people who smell temporarily, because they've just returned from the gym, they have a physical job and have just returned from work, or they work in a stable/kitchen/garage etc and smell of their surroundings-I am probably one of these people sometimes!
I'm not talking about general body odour or sweat-we're all capable of having that, and generally one has a wash and gets changed and it's gone. I don't mean that.
I'll give you some examples of what I refer to.
I used to spend time with a lass some 6 months ago-we met through mutual friends. After a few times of going shopping together, sharing wine of an evening, being in the car with her I noticed this sour scent. It wasn't B.O, it was much stronger than that and much more offensive. It was like a festering kind of smell-like OLD B.O mixed with dirt.
After time some other people mentioned it to me, including her partner at the time-he confided in me about it affecting their intimate life and making him embarrassed by her. Ever the diplomat I suggested he get into the habit of running her a nice bath every day when she returned from work so she was forced to have a wash!
He said ;
"I don't think that would work. I think when she has baths, she just sits in the water..."
Another instance was when I had my fulltime office job. I was lower-management, and was friends with a guy who worked on one of the other teams. I had actually recommended him for the job, which makes this embarrasing for me somewhat-but my boss came to me one day, and asked that I have a word with him outside of work, because his smell was offending the other staff.
Now, I had noticed a scent coming from this person, but only when he was at my house doing some work for me. I figured the physical work was what caused him to get a sweat on and he was so meticulous about his hygiene! Each time he had been to my house and done anything physically taxing-he asked if he could use my shower.I also knew his Mother (whom he lived with at the time) and she often complained that she could never get to the bathroom of a morning because he spent so much time in it.
I'm not sure if he had a bit of a problem-but again, his scent wasn't just sweat, I can cope with sweat-the only way I can describe it is like a farmyard animal sort of scent, but stronger and more offensive!
Another one, was another friend of mine who used to visit me often, and one night he was with me and I offered him the spare room as he had stayed later than planned. The next day I went into the room he'd used and the smell hit me so hard, I actually got upset. Obviously I changed all the bedding, I also had to fumigate the room, all windows open even though it was cold weather, scented candles, incense-I just couldn't get the scent out of my nostrils.
The only way I can describe it is if one has ever left their washing in the washing machine too long and it has gone somewhat 'foisty' or found something go damp at the bottom of the washing basket-but again much stronger. Urgh.
This guy was quite a bit overweight, but I don't think being overweight makes you smell-maybe you have to be a bit more careful. I have a friend who's VERY overweight, not all his fault as he has a lot of health problems, can't do anything physical, tires very easily etc but that's not so relevant. Reason I mention him is, he always smells nice-we're close, I've spent a lot of time with him, I always give him a huge hug hello and goodbye. By his own admission, he knows he's a big guy and knows that for this reason his hygiene has to be impeccable, his clothes are always clean etc.
The above may make it sound as if I just know a bunch of low-lives who can't be bothered having a wash.But I really don't think this is an excuse anyway, and nor is it the case here. Of the people I mention above, they all were intelligent people from good backgrounds. One I met at university.
It's something of a dilemma and difficulty to me.
The only time I have told someone outright-was when I felt it needed to be said. I knew it was just a personal hygiene problem as I'd been around this person often enough to know that they often didn't shower for 3 days or more.
This person had a good job and I felt I should say something before people they worked with, noticed. I told them, and they said ;
"Yeh well It's been really cold and I've been a bit down and stressed".
That's not an excuse is it really. Sure it's cold but we're not in Victorian times any longer, we have hot showers and heating.
I mentioned their job and this person said;
'Ah thanks but it's okay, if they'd have noticed I would have made an excuse'.
I'm inclined to think that in this case, there really isn't an excuse that can be made. I have had to shower in a rush before now and honestly it can be done in around 5 minutes if you have it down. (I prefer to wallow a while longer though). There's no excuse for not bothering and I think it's unfair to inflict your bad odour on colleagues or friends who are careful to keep themselves clean.
I've had the odd 'slob day'don't get me wrong! If I'm under the weather or have been very busy,am tired and I don't have to do anything or go anywhere, (or see anyone!) I can go without having a bath for a day. But any longer than that and personal hygiene aside, I would feel uncomfortable if I wasn't clean!
Any thoughts?
Jen
